Sunday, August 23, 2009

Career builders...

I've been looking for a new job. My last job ended abruptly when my boss decided it was a great idea to not pay payroll taxes and steal peoples 401(k) money. It really stinks because I enjoyed my last 2 day a week, do a whole lot of nothing and get paid for it bit. I have to say besides the lousy pay I really had it made there.
In my quest to find a job I've looked on several career sites that post jobs. Most are professional and respectable. I have found nothing. So, on advisement from a friend who is also looking for a job (she too was laid off due to our boss being a felon) I looked on a site that was a free for all - meaning you can buy a car, look for a job and rent a hooker - one stop Internet shop. To be fair this site had more jobs listed than the respectable sites mentioned earlier. However one in particular made me chuckle. It was for a part time admin. assistant position. The pay was pretty good and you really didn't have to have any prior experience. You did however need reliable transportation. I've never seen that listed before. Do you also need a permit to carry a concealed weapon? It may not be that funny to you but I found it humorous and a little scary. Not sure they're looking for someone with a college degree and a dependable minivan (I know I'm the epitome of classy). I think I may have to keep looking ;)
I would love to not work at all and create something that someone wants to buy from me so I can run a business out of my house. However, I'm not sure I make anything anyone would want to buy - especially since when I think I'm in the mood to create I get the supplies out and ready and then my ADD kicks in and it sits there until I clean it up and have the urge again. I suppose I'll find my calling soon. However, right now the baby is calling and that's my job of choice at the moment. However, if the screaming continues I may look into the job with reliable transportation - or the job where I can work the cash register at a convenience store (graveyard shift). Either sound tempting...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A little sensitive...

OK - I'm going to be honest. The fact that no one EVER comments on my posts anymore is hurting my feelings. I understand that sometimes there is nothing to comment on - but a ha ha or a screw you would be nice every now and again. Just sayin...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Whatever...

Grad school is already a giant pain in my side. No, I'm not going to Grad school. I could hardly make it through the 5.5 years I spent as an undergrad (however, if I took out the Thursday night party and the keg stands I might have had a snowballs chance of making it out of there with a decent GPA - but what fun would that have been). TC is starting grad school. For the next year and a half he will be attending classes 2 hours from Satan's Pants every other weekend. Every other weekend I will be home alone. Every weeknight I will be upstairs alone while TC studies in the basement. Everyday I will cuss him and that too expensive ridiculous school he is forking out thousands upon thousands of dollars to.
I realize I'm being selfish. This is not a post of if I am or am not selfish (this weekend alone I've been called selfish, bratty and ridiculous - to which I say bite me). This is a post griping about the fact that for the next year and a half I will basically be a single mom raising 3 kids and every time I ask for help I'm going to get an "I'm busy studying or working or getting your foot out of my ass".
Since Pres. Bo thinks it's important to essentially put my husband out of business with his top notch health plan then I suppose this is an important investment for us to make. Hopefully grad school will teach TC the things he needs to know to work in a field other than the one he's in and make a good living doing it (which he'll need to to pay of this ridiculous school - his diploma better be made of gold, diamonds or cash). If Pres. Bo changes his mind and decides to be bipartisan on his health care bill then this will teach TC how to excel in the field he's in. Either way win win right? Whatever...
I know it's only a year and a half. However, have you spent a year and a half with an almost 8 and 5 year old and thrown in a baby to mix it all up? If so my hat goes off to you and you're a better person than I am. I haven't and I had no intention of doing so. I enjoy staying home with my boys. I also enjoy giving them to their daddy for some R and R on my part (I know, call me selfish).
I give TC props for throwing grad school into his mix. I commend him for bettering himself and trying to make life for his family better. I just think this is going to be very difficult for me and the boys as well and will on occasion need to vent. So I'm starting now - go ahead and start getting some things off my chest. Here's my question - how my brattier am I going to get when he actually starts?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The last dance...

This past weekend TC stood up in - what I hope - is his last wedding. One of his best friends finally made the decision to settle down. We were the first - this is the last. I suppose since this was the last then the boys thought they should go out with a bang.
The rehearsal dinner was at a supper club. A supper club is a Midwestern word for old, smelly restaurant. Usually they've been around since the 60's, have the original furniture and the stale smoke smell from that era as well. They also usually have the same wait staff they started with and possibly the same bottles of liquor. They always serve fish - usually beer battered and fried- and there is possibly a marinated mushroom or a relish tray involved. They aren't my favorite places but to each his own.
One of my gripes about weddings up here are they are usually on Fridays (because that's convenient for everyone) and there is usually in excess of 2 hours between the ceremony and the reception. This wedding was luckily on a Saturday. However, the wedding was at 1:30 and the reception didn't start until 6. So, to waste time I bellied up to a bar and drank several margaritas to get the party started. I continued this through the dinner and into the dance. I was getting a little tipsy and dancing like an extra from Flash Dance when I realized I should probably slow it down or I was libel to show everyone my spanks and be truly embarrassed. Now, I'm not ashamed of wearing spanks. If they made them for arms I would wear those too. I also know some of my skinny bitch friends also use the spanks every now and again. However, being the drunk girdle girl was not at the top of my to-do list. So I switched to diet coke and continued on.
TC however did not stop. He continued to party like a rock star. He had some ridiculous conversations with the parents of the groom that I think may have embarrassed them and some "I love you man" moments with the other grooms men. I finally had to tell him enough was enough and I was driving him home. Since we ate at 6 and we danced until after midnight (I know - party freaking animals) TC was hungry and wanted to make a pit stop at Taco Bell. While there TC ordered 2 burritos and 2 cheese wraps. When we finally made it home and he embarrassed himself in front of his parents, he decided to chow down. Half way though his heart attack in a shell he asked me if any of this food was mine because he was sure he didn't order it. Oh for the love. Go to bed already and sleep until your hangover kicks in.
TC and I don't go out very often. We're usually order a pizza and watch The Soup kind of people. However, TC was in rare form Saturday night and I was glad I was sober enough to witness it. I'm also happy I was able to witness the last of the weddings - because I don't have the energy to party like a rock star again this weekend.

Monday, June 29, 2009

God Bless America...

We've started our summer off to a good start. The oldest has been in summer school taking tennis since school was out. This weekend we'll head to the cottage to visit with my husbands Godparents and their family for our traditional 4th of July extraveganza. We hit the small town parade and then have dinner later with family friends. I enjoy this tradition. However, I think I have a different version of tradition than everyone else. In my mind tradition means getting together with family and friends - every year - and every year celebrating with the parade and dinner. It does not mean to me that we have to sit in the same place at the parade, serve the same cocktail (always and bloody mary and don't EVEN think about something fruity) and at dinner eat the same thing every year whether anyone enjoys it or not. For some reason someone told the host that his baked beans were delicious and his chicken was juicy. They flat lied to his face and now I have to pretend I like it every year. The hostess makes a flag cake every year. I get that it's the 4th and that's appropriate but not everyone enjoys a cake made of cool whip. Serve something chocolate for those of us who have a sweeter tooth.
Yes, I've offered to bring something to the party and every year I hear - No we have it under control. I even feel like I have the same exact conversations with the guests every year. I guarantee there's a lady there who's going to ask me where I'm from and do I like it here. Maybe this year I'll change my answer.
Now there are things that we have every year at every party for every occasion. There's my moms chocolate cake for example. It's delicious so there's no need to deviate from perfection. However, I've heard through the grape vine that some people are getting tired of that (blasphemous). Just think haters, if you had to have the exact same meal with the cake every single time. GRRR!
I realize I'm a brat. They don't even have to invite me over and truth be told some years they probably don't want to. I have a slight habit of being moody and I tend not to hold back on that. I'm not ugly but it gets to be a long day and by the time dinner comes charred off the grill I've usually had enough. However, they're wonderful people so I'll try and keep it in check. Or I'll just drink all the bloody marys...
If I don't have time to post before the holiday I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th of July. God Bless America! (By the way - we have to sing that every year too before we're allowed cool whip cake)...

Monday, June 15, 2009

I heart Edward!

I'm completely and irrevocably in love with Edward. I admit it - I can't help that I would cheat on my husband with a 17 year old FICTIONAL vampire. I'm putting him at the top of my laminated "list". My sister is buying me a shirt that says "Edward can break my bed anytime". BHAHAHA (book 4 honeymoon). I know it's dirty. Deal...
I finished the Twilight saga last week and I am so sad that it had to end. The author needs to keep writing the books so I can continue to be entertained. I mean they're immortal right? There has to be a lifetime worth of drama to write about. Maybe she can write about how that sparkly vampire cheats on his wife with a 34 year old stay at home mom of three. Swoon...
My husband is concerned - and rightfully so. It's not normal. He became the most concerned when I started book 1 all over again after finishing the saga. I think he's going to have me committed.
I think this is because I'm 1) old 2) bored 3) lonely and 4) apparently in the need of a secret crush and since Edward is fictional then Rob Pattinson will have to suffice. Jon Bon Jovi hasn't called yet and I've been secretly in love with him since 6th grade (now I'm really showing my age) and Keith Urban is still married to that skinny bitch with the personality of a Dorito so he's on notice as well.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my summer. I'm so sad to see Edward ride off into the sunset with his debbie downer wife. I'm hoping this phase will end and I can get back to being the mom and wife I was born to be. But until then you can find me on the Twilight fan pages chillaxing with the rest of my 14 year old Twilight peeps. Peace out...

Monday, June 8, 2009

Crash. Fly. Cold as crap!

I know I've become the worlds worst blogger. I suppose things were just going too well and I didn't have anything to gripe about. Things were just swimming along and I was blissfully unaware of all things negative. HOWEVER, things can change on a dime and now I'm one pissed off peach!
TC and I went to the beach last week. We had a great time. It was so nice to get away for a weekend sans kids and kick it 27 style in Destin. We layed by the pool, drank Coronas with lime and ate delicious sea food. However, this little second honeymoon was bookended by total crap. Before we left I wrecked the car. I know - the horror. The poor precious silver mini van was crushed by a 17 year old in a crapmobile trying to get back to school before 5th period. Who's fault was it? HIS! Although legally it was mine - DEVIL! When we got home from Florida we received word that this little fender bender actually totaled the van and I no longer have transportation around Satan's pants. Now Mr. 17 is going to have to sell me his hooptie so I can get from point A to point B (apparently without the fancy doors that open with the push of a button - so makes me want to cry).
As we were leaving for Destin we rolled up to the airport 29 minutes before our flight was taking off. Departing at 6:50 a.m. and traveling through the worlds smallest airport one would think this was acceptable. Apparently no. We missed to cut off to have our luggage placed under the plane. So Stupid! We had to put all of my stuff (from my giant suitcase) into TC's tiny suitcase. I had my clothes, carried on my makeup and bought toiletries in Destin. However, I did not have a blow dryer. Oh. My. Heavens - what a freaking mess. No blow dryer in Florida - talk about a frizzed out hunk of a straw. Needless to say there are no pictures of me from the trip. If there was it would be of a frizzy mess with her middle finger waving hello.
On the way back we made it to the airport in plenty of time. However, we sat at the airport for 5 hours waiting for glue to dry. I'm totally serious. There was something on the wing that needed to be glued and since it was raining the glue wouldn't dry. I read almost half of a 700 page book (by the way - I heart Edward) and watched Fox news before we ever got out. We finally made it to Atlanta, then had a layover in Detroit where I almost had to bitch slap a sassy lady who thought she owned the moving sidewalk, and then finally got a flight out to Satan's pants. We were suppose to be home at 3 p.m. and in time for soccer. Instead we got home at midnight and just a little frazzled. The airlines are EVIL and they need to be beaten.
Since all of this I've just been sitting at home watching the rain - It's 55 degrees in June here and I'm more than a little ticked off about it. I understand the south is hotter than blue blazes right now but come on - 55! That's just evil. I hate this place...