Peaches and Cheese

Career builders...

2009-08-23T16:36:00.003-05:00

I've been looking for a new job. My last job ended abruptly when my boss decided it was a great idea to not pay payroll taxes and steal peoples 401(k) money. It really stinks because I enjoyed my last 2 day a week, do a whole lot of nothing and get paid for it bit. I have to say besides the lousy pay I really had it made there.
In my quest to find a job I've looked on several career sites that post jobs. Most are professional and respectable. I have found nothing. So, on advisement from a friend who is also looking for a job (she too was laid off due to our boss being a felon) I looked on a site that was a free for all - meaning you can buy a car, look for a job and rent a hooker - one stop Internet shop. To be fair this site had more jobs listed than the respectable sites mentioned earlier. However one in particular made me chuckle. It was for a part time admin. assistant position. The pay was pretty good and you really didn't have to have any prior experience. You did however need reliable transportation. I've never seen that listed before. Do you also need a permit to carry a concealed weapon? It may not be that funny to you but I found it humorous and a little scary. Not sure they're looking for someone with a college degree and a dependable minivan (I know I'm the epitome of classy). I think I may have to keep looking ;)
I would love to not work at all and create something that someone wants to buy from me so I can run a business out of my house. However, I'm not sure I make anything anyone would want to buy - especially since when I think I'm in the mood to create I get the supplies out and ready and then my ADD kicks in and it sits there until I clean it up and have the urge again. I suppose I'll find my calling soon. However, right now the baby is calling and that's my job of choice at the moment. However, if the screaming continues I may look into the job with reliable transportation - or the job where I can work the cash register at a convenience store (graveyard shift). Either sound tempting...

A little sensitive...

2009-08-13T18:44:00.003-05:00

OK - I'm going to be honest. The fact that no one EVER comments on my posts anymore is hurting my feelings. I understand that sometimes there is nothing to comment on - but a ha ha or a screw you would be nice every now and again. Just sayin...

Whatever...

2009-08-09T15:11:00.003-05:00

Grad school is already a giant pain in my side. No, I'm not going to Grad school. I could hardly make it through the 5.5 years I spent as an undergrad (however, if I took out the Thursday night party and the keg stands I might have had a snowballs chance of making it out of there with a decent GPA - but what fun would that have been). TC is starting grad school. For the next year and a half he will be attending classes 2 hours from Satan's Pants every other weekend. Every other weekend I will be home alone. Every weeknight I will be upstairs alone while TC studies in the basement. Everyday I will cuss him and that too expensive ridiculous school he is forking out thousands upon thousands of dollars to.
I realize I'm being selfish. This is not a post of if I am or am not selfish (this weekend alone I've been called selfish, bratty and ridiculous - to which I say bite me). This is a post griping about the fact that for the next year and a half I will basically be a single mom raising 3 kids and every time I ask for help I'm going to get an "I'm busy studying or working or getting your foot out of my ass".
Since Pres. Bo thinks it's important to essentially put my husband out of business with his top notch health plan then I suppose this is an important investment for us to make. Hopefully grad school will teach TC the things he needs to know to work in a field other than the one he's in and make a good living doing it (which he'll need to to pay of this ridiculous school - his diploma better be made of gold, diamonds or cash). If Pres. Bo changes his mind and decides to be bipartisan on his health care bill then this will teach TC how to excel in the field he's in. Either way win win right? Whatever...
I know it's only a year and a half. However, have you spent a year and a half with an almost 8 and 5 year old and thrown in a baby to mix it all up? If so my hat goes off to you and you're a better person than I am. I haven't and I had no intention of doing so. I enjoy staying home with my boys. I also enjoy giving them to their daddy for some R and R on my part (I know, call me selfish).
I give TC props for throwing grad school into his mix. I commend him for bettering himself and trying to make life for his family better. I just think this is going to be very difficult for me and the boys as well and will on occasion need to vent. So I'm starting now - go ahead and start getting some things off my chest. Here's my question - how my brattier am I going to get when he actually starts?

The last dance...

2009-08-04T13:07:00.003-05:00

This past weekend TC stood up in - what I hope - is his last wedding. One of his best friends finally made the decision to settle down. We were the first - this is the last. I suppose since this was the last then the boys thought they should go out with a bang.
The rehearsal dinner was at a supper club. A supper club is a Midwestern word for old, smelly restaurant. Usually they've been around since the 60's, have the original furniture and the stale smoke smell from that era as well. They also usually have the same wait staff they started with and possibly the same bottles of liquor. They always serve fish - usually beer battered and fried- and there is possibly a marinated mushroom or a relish tray involved. They aren't my favorite places but to each his own.
One of my gripes about weddings up here are they are usually on Fridays (because that's convenient for everyone) and there is usually in excess of 2 hours between the ceremony and the reception. This wedding was luckily on a Saturday. However, the wedding was at 1:30 and the reception didn't start until 6. So, to waste time I bellied up to a bar and drank several margaritas to get the party started. I continued this through the dinner and into the dance. I was getting a little tipsy and dancing like an extra from Flash Dance when I realized I should probably slow it down or I was libel to show everyone my spanks and be truly embarrassed. Now, I'm not ashamed of wearing spanks. If they made them for arms I would wear those too. I also know some of my skinny bitch friends also use the spanks every now and again. However, being the drunk girdle girl was not at the top of my to-do list. So I switched to diet coke and continued on.
TC however did not stop. He continued to party like a rock star. He had some ridiculous conversations with the parents of the groom that I think may have embarrassed them and some "I love you man" moments with the other grooms men. I finally had to tell him enough was enough and I was driving him home. Since we ate at 6 and we danced until after midnight (I know - party freaking animals) TC was hungry and wanted to make a pit stop at Taco Bell. While there TC ordered 2 burritos and 2 cheese wraps. When we finally made it home and he embarrassed himself in front of his parents, he decided to chow down. Half way though his heart attack in a shell he asked me if any of this food was mine because he was sure he didn't order it. Oh for the love. Go to bed already and sleep until your hangover kicks in.
TC and I don't go out very often. We're usually order a pizza and watch The Soup kind of people. However, TC was in rare form Saturday night and I was glad I was sober enough to witness it. I'm also happy I was able to witness the last of the weddings - because I don't have the energy to party like a rock star again this weekend.

God Bless America...

2009-06-29T08:18:00.003-05:00

We've started our summer off to a good start. The oldest has been in summer school taking tennis since school was out. This weekend we'll head to the cottage to visit with my husbands Godparents and their family for our traditional 4th of July extraveganza. We hit the small town parade and then have dinner later with family friends. I enjoy this tradition. However, I think I have a different version of tradition than everyone else. In my mind tradition means getting together with family and friends - every year - and every year celebrating with the parade and dinner. It does not mean to me that we have to sit in the same place at the parade, serve the same cocktail (always and bloody mary and don't EVEN think about something fruity) and at dinner eat the same thing every year whether anyone enjoys it or not. For some reason someone told the host that his baked beans were delicious and his chicken was juicy. They flat lied to his face and now I have to pretend I like it every year. The hostess makes a flag cake every year. I get that it's the 4th and that's appropriate but not everyone enjoys a cake made of cool whip. Serve something chocolate for those of us who have a sweeter tooth.
Yes, I've offered to bring something to the party and every year I hear - No we have it under control. I even feel like I have the same exact conversations with the guests every year. I guarantee there's a lady there who's going to ask me where I'm from and do I like it here. Maybe this year I'll change my answer.
Now there are things that we have every year at every party for every occasion. There's my moms chocolate cake for example. It's delicious so there's no need to deviate from perfection. However, I've heard through the grape vine that some people are getting tired of that (blasphemous). Just think haters, if you had to have the exact same meal with the cake every single time. GRRR!
I realize I'm a brat. They don't even have to invite me over and truth be told some years they probably don't want to. I have a slight habit of being moody and I tend not to hold back on that. I'm not ugly but it gets to be a long day and by the time dinner comes charred off the grill I've usually had enough. However, they're wonderful people so I'll try and keep it in check. Or I'll just drink all the bloody marys...
If I don't have time to post before the holiday I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe 4th of July. God Bless America! (By the way - we have to sing that every year too before we're allowed cool whip cake)...

I heart Edward!

2009-06-15T16:18:00.003-05:00

I'm completely and irrevocably in love with Edward. I admit it - I can't help that I would cheat on my husband with a 17 year old FICTIONAL vampire. I'm putting him at the top of my laminated "list". My sister is buying me a shirt that says "Edward can break my bed anytime". BHAHAHA (book 4 honeymoon). I know it's dirty. Deal...
I finished the Twilight saga last week and I am so sad that it had to end. The author needs to keep writing the books so I can continue to be entertained. I mean they're immortal right? There has to be a lifetime worth of drama to write about. Maybe she can write about how that sparkly vampire cheats on his wife with a 34 year old stay at home mom of three. Swoon...
My husband is concerned - and rightfully so. It's not normal. He became the most concerned when I started book 1 all over again after finishing the saga. I think he's going to have me committed.
I think this is because I'm 1) old 2) bored 3) lonely and 4) apparently in the need of a secret crush and since Edward is fictional then Rob Pattinson will have to suffice. Jon Bon Jovi hasn't called yet and I've been secretly in love with him since 6th grade (now I'm really showing my age) and Keith Urban is still married to that skinny bitch with the personality of a Dorito so he's on notice as well.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my summer. I'm so sad to see Edward ride off into the sunset with his debbie downer wife. I'm hoping this phase will end and I can get back to being the mom and wife I was born to be. But until then you can find me on the Twilight fan pages chillaxing with the rest of my 14 year old Twilight peeps. Peace out...

Crash. Fly. Cold as crap!

2009-06-08T11:41:00.004-05:00

I know I've become the worlds worst blogger. I suppose things were just going too well and I didn't have anything to gripe about. Things were just swimming along and I was blissfully unaware of all things negative. HOWEVER, things can change on a dime and now I'm one pissed off peach!
TC and I went to the beach last week. We had a great time. It was so nice to get away for a weekend sans kids and kick it 27 style in Destin. We layed by the pool, drank Coronas with lime and ate delicious sea food. However, this little second honeymoon was bookended by total crap. Before we left I wrecked the car. I know - the horror. The poor precious silver mini van was crushed by a 17 year old in a crapmobile trying to get back to school before 5th period. Who's fault was it? HIS! Although legally it was mine - DEVIL! When we got home from Florida we received word that this little fender bender actually totaled the van and I no longer have transportation around Satan's pants. Now Mr. 17 is going to have to sell me his hooptie so I can get from point A to point B (apparently without the fancy doors that open with the push of a button - so makes me want to cry).
As we were leaving for Destin we rolled up to the airport 29 minutes before our flight was taking off. Departing at 6:50 a.m. and traveling through the worlds smallest airport one would think this was acceptable. Apparently no. We missed to cut off to have our luggage placed under the plane. So Stupid! We had to put all of my stuff (from my giant suitcase) into TC's tiny suitcase. I had my clothes, carried on my makeup and bought toiletries in Destin. However, I did not have a blow dryer. Oh. My. Heavens - what a freaking mess. No blow dryer in Florida - talk about a frizzed out hunk of a straw. Needless to say there are no pictures of me from the trip. If there was it would be of a frizzy mess with her middle finger waving hello.
On the way back we made it to the airport in plenty of time. However, we sat at the airport for 5 hours waiting for glue to dry. I'm totally serious. There was something on the wing that needed to be glued and since it was raining the glue wouldn't dry. I read almost half of a 700 page book (by the way - I heart Edward) and watched Fox news before we ever got out. We finally made it to Atlanta, then had a layover in Detroit where I almost had to bitch slap a sassy lady who thought she owned the moving sidewalk, and then finally got a flight out to Satan's pants. We were suppose to be home at 3 p.m. and in time for soccer. Instead we got home at midnight and just a little frazzled. The airlines are EVIL and they need to be beaten.
Since all of this I've just been sitting at home watching the rain - It's 55 degrees in June here and I'm more than a little ticked off about it. I understand the south is hotter than blue blazes right now but come on - 55! That's just evil. I hate this place...

Read the book...

2009-05-17T10:08:00.004-05:00

Before I went to see pretty pretty Keith Urban yesterday the kids ran in a fun run (not sure why fun and run are in the same sentence but whatever) and then we went to breakfast with some friends. It's nice to get out once in a while and visit with people. The kids played, we drank coffee and talked. The wife has become a good friend of mine and I enjoy her company. However, sometimes I become exasperated with the things that come out of her mouth (which is a common feeling when hanging out with the ladies in this town - apparently they all seem to have diarrhea of the mouth).
We were having yet another conversation about the west side of this crapass town being better than the east side. This conversation seems to come up at least a dozen times a year while hanging out with different people that grew up here. Here's a tip - both sides are truly the epitome of horrible so move on. Anyway, as we're having this convo yet again I mentioned that a couple years ago we had to discuss this at length when we ran into TC's high school sweetheart at TJMaxx. My friend said "Oh, Pollyanna - she's so sweet". OK - hold the phone sweetheart. In the girlfriend handbook it clearly states that even if the ex is a doctor who feeds the homeless in her spare time she's still a whore. Either that or don't say anything at all. And no I don't care if it was 27 years ago the woman is still a beast.
I met this person - she's tiny, a nurse and seems to be pretty nice. However, if she hadn't cheated on TC in college and broken his heart there's a chance he could have beautiful dark headed children instead of the fair hairs he has. It ticks me off every time her stupid mug is in the paper about being a nurse practitioner - blah blah blah. All I want to read in the paper is that she was arrested for prostitution or caught in a ponzi scheme.
Am I jealous - apparently. Do I think I have anything to worry about - probably not. Does my friend need to worry about what kind of ugliness I'm cooking up for next time - you betcha! If her husbands ex wasn't a raving lunatic I would go on and on about how super fantastic she is.
My girlfriends in Atlanta wouldn't do this. They would agree that she was "bless her heart" wretched. People here don't seem to get that and it drives me crazy. If you think she's swell then just listen to the story and keep your pie hole shut. Or read, memorize and abide by the rules in the book. Or go be friends with a whore - I don't care...

Is there any body out there....

2009-05-04T14:19:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty convinced no one is reading my blog - which is fine. I started this as cheap therapy and cheap therapy shouldn't involve having people read about my issues. Quite frankly, maybe you are reading the blog and your mama raised you that if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all - therefore, don't comment on the crazy peaches and cheeses blog. Fair enough.

I've become super dull. My life consists of driving to preschool, shopping at Target and the occasional night out at Moe's. The excitement of my weekend was that it was warm enough to venture outside instead of sitting my big 'ol butt on the couch and watching the Real Housewives of something (which by the way is my guilty pleasure - those crazy bats make me look normal). Aside from that and the occasional lunch with a girl friend, to gossip about those we may or may not like, I'm pretty boring and useless.

School will be out in a few weeks for my oldest and my middle baby gets out next week (I had youngest but had to go back and change - how weird to now have three). What the hell am I going to do with three boys home all summer? I'm exhausted just thinking about it. The problem with all this is my boys fight A LOT! They don't scream, yell and cry like sisters but they punch, kick, hit and smack each other usually for no apparent reason setting of a vicious cycle of wrestle mania. It's obnoxious. It seems that if they're bored then one is going to try and tick off the other. I can only handle so much before I feel like jumping in the middle and taking matters into my own hands. There are only so many summer school classes, swim lessons, and vacation bible schools they can attend. They still will be home for a good portion of every day. I think I need to start drinking immediately.

Aside from the fighting kids we've been pretty busy. We had the stupid Gala event again - GAG, we had a wedding to attend and we've had a couple of hot dates. One was out to dinner and then to a comedy club. Here's what I leaned at the comedy club. I'm no longer 22 and therefore should not stay out past 10 p.m., and I've become such a mommy that when the comedian used foul language I looked around to see if there were children present. I hate feeling old! This weekend we're going to a concert to see Keith Urban (yummy) and The Zac Brown Band - who by the way went to college with me. I remember going to listen to him sing, and I know he was a friend of a friend but I don't remember ever meeting him. However, college was a blur and for all I know we were besties and he's missing me terribly. At least that's what I'm telling people here. They don't need to know the truth. All they need to know is that I'm so hip, cool and southern that I am friends with Michael Johns from American Idol and Zac Brown from Zac Brown Band.

I think this session of Peaches and Cheese cheap therapy is over. I will attempt to come up with something clever to rant about in the near future. Until then - thanks for reading (or not) and have a great weekend!

The big blue bomb...

2009-04-21T08:48:00.004-05:00

Every year I have to attend a gala for the snooty volunteer organization I belong to. This year was a little different - to make it less formal you could wear anything from jeans to a ballgown. In this economy we didn't want people to feel like they had to go buy a new dress to attend a fundraiser. Good idea possibly but it's amazing how far people will take the "not as formal" attire.
While I wore a spring dress and TC wore slacks and a button down (yes - TC was forced to attend and not super pumped about it) and thought I was pretty casual for the event, there were people who took casual too far. Jeans and un-tucked shirts did not belong at this event. The lady in the too tight dress with converse sneakers needed to be thrown out. The presidents husband who looked like a sausage in his too tight jeans should just have stayed home. Instead he got up on stage and gave a toast. So creepy.
I'm not trying to make fun of what people wear. I understand some people don't feel comfortable in strapless dresses and heels and would prefer to wear sneakers and jeans. However, if you're going to pay upwards of $75 a dinner then at least brush your hair and leave your zip up sweatshirt at home.
Even though they attempted to make the event less formal (instead they made it a mommy and me play date at the park) they neglected to make the event less stuffy. The doctors and their wives still thought their poop didn't stink, and the "old money" families still had their noses so high in the air you could see their pea sized brains. TC who is so easy to get along with and would try to talk to a tree stump was miserable. Luckily I only have 1 more year obligated to this group and then their on their own. They'll have to seek out a new super bratty, I no like-a you, southern girl with a bad attitude.
And to be nice - I'm not even going to mention the poor girl in the 1980's bridesmaid dress with the giant bow in the back and lace in the front. BHAHAHAHAHA!

Living the unemployment dream...

2009-04-21T08:32:00.002-05:00

I've become a statistic. After having a baby and taking some time off ,I returned to my very stressful 2 day a week receptionist gig (stressful is totally sarcastic). After being back 2 weeks we were all called into a meeting regarding the direction of the company. Basically, the old CEO/owner had to declare personal and professional bankruptcy and would no longer be a member of our "team" and the 40 year old sales guy who thinks he's 27 with his long in front thinning hair was going to achieve financing to purchase the company and things would run business as usual..
Famous last words.....
The following week I receive a phone call from the office manager that I would be put on temporary layoff for a month or so until they could work the kinks out. Everyone who did not have billable hours would be laid off. Those that did have billable hours would stay and just not get paid. Yeah - that sounds like a heck of a deal. So here I am all unemployed, collecting my unemployment and eating brownies living the unemployment dream.
The problem with all of this is the way it was all handled. Apparently Mr. Combover CEO (not to be confused with thinning hair who thinks he's CEO material but really he's a grown man with ADD) was not paying his taxes. Now I know this is OK in the Obama administration, but apparently in the real world they take everything from you if you neglect to pay your taxes. He was also taking peoples money out of their checks for their flex plan and 401k (or 101k in this market) and not contributing it - which is apparently against the law for anyone. Even though he was using the money to make payroll every month doesn't make it OK. Especially when he came to us in the meeting all crying and crap because the economy did this. NO COMBOVER- THE ECONOMY DIDN'T DO THIS TO YOU OR YOUR COMPANY - THE FACT THAT YOU'RE A FELON DID THIS..... The economy is crap right now however, if you do not pay your taxes and do not contribute to peoples investments then you're going to get caught and your going to get in trouble - with the law (so stupid).
Now I actually like Mr. Combover. He's an idiot but I don't think he's evil. Mr ADD however is going to run the new company into the ground pronto. It's now coming towards the end of the illusive "month" that I was going to be laid off. I'm not expecting a phone call needing me to come back. They haven't secured any financing and more than half of those "billable" people decided not to return. So now I'm out to find another 2 day a week, light on the stress heavy on the pay job. If you hear of one please let me know - I'll be on the couch watching Paranormal State until you do...

Sorry it's been so long...

2009-04-20T13:32:00.004-05:00

Wow, it's been a while. One one hand I've been super busy - working, shopping, facebooking, and taking care of three boys. On the other hand I haven't done anything that I figure anyone really cares to read about. Most of you can guess that I've been knee deep in screaming children, poopy pants and crappy weather. So, I just didn't see any reason to bore you with stories about all of that.

I started this blog as cheap therapy. If I could vent about all things Satan's Pants then maybe I could have a better attitude about it. Truth be told I still don't have a great attitude, but I enjoy writing things down and hearing from "readers" who either agree with me or at least think it's entertaining. Not to mention I get a hearty chuckle out of myself from time to time to make it all worth it.

Since it's been so long I think I should just up date you on what's been going on. The baby is great. He's a lousy sleeper but his sweet little smiles make up for that. We had a scare last month where they thought his skull was prematurely fused together and would require surgery. We had to have x-rays taken and when they turned out inconclusive we had to have a baby cat scan. Talk about sick at your stomach, wanting to puke craziness. We had the x-rays taken on a Monday afternoon. After calling every day that week the doctors office finally called me back on Friday morning to tell me the x-rays were inconclusive. I was one ticked off mama. We had to schedule a cat scan and they couldn't get us in until the following Wednesday. After the scan we had to wait another few days before they called to let me know everything was OK. On the one hand I was super happy that nothing is wrong with my precious baby. On the other I wanted to key the car of every nurse, doctor and radiologist that made me wait two weeks until I finally received news.

We spent Easter in Atlanta and it was awesome being home. TC traveled with us (no way in Satan's Pants was I going to travel with the three boys alone) so we acted like we were tourists and did things in Atlanta that I had never done. It's amazing what you don't do in a city when you live there. In the 26 years I lived in Atlanta I had never been to the Cyclorama or Oakland Cemetery. Now I can check them off of my list. We went to a hockey game, ate at the Varsity and visited with family. It was a great visit. Next time TC comes down we'll go to the World of Coke and maybe the aquarium. And while I'm there I'm going to wear my bright pink I heart ATL shirt and talk like a Midwesterner so I can truly be a tourist!

That's really all that's going on in my life right now. I'm knee deep in all things boys and I'm exhausted. I miss blogging and I miss the comments so I'll try to get back into the groove of things. If it's a while again though please don't be disappointed - just bear with me.

I like big butts and I cannot lie...

2009-02-27T18:27:00.002-06:00

Throughout my pregnancy I had a deal with the nurses and midwife that the number on the scale would NEVER be uttered. I did not want to know where I was beginning or where I ended. If there was an issue they could let me know but other than that mum was the word. I truly became a bit bratty about it. I was aware that I didn't start out my pregnancy thin and I knew for a fact I wouldn't end up that way because I don't "nest" during pregnancy I eat and watch TV.
Today I had my six week after birth appointment. Super fun. I decided that I would check the number on the scale today - just to get a jumping off point for a possible weight loss goal. Bad idea. The big, fat roly poly number ruined my day. Also, come to find out, I actually weigh less right now then I did when I started. My fat butt is actually smaller than it was a year ago!
Now, I'm not a giant woman. I'm actually pretty normal really (if normal is XXL I suppose). However normal stinks when I still need to lose 20 lbs. to be "ideal" and apparently an entire person if I want to be Kate Moss.
Now, I will NEVER tell you or anyone else what the number on the scale was today. I'm always surprised when ladies tell their weight. TC says I should work for NASA because I've kept my weight so secret and would rather take a beating than reveal it. Those people at the fair that "guess the weight" can kiss my butt - unless they want to guess 105 and then I'll pay extra. The fact that I actually know the number right now is a lot and pretty much stinks!
To be honest I have zero ambition right now to diet. I'm actually ALWAYS hungry and constantly want to eat. I try and tell myself that's because I'm nursing and burning extra calories. However, I think it's just because I'm piggish and bored. As much as I love my new bundle of joy and his brothers I'm not exactly having a rip roaring good time right now. I rarely interact with adults and I don't get any time to myself, so the idea of then depriving myself of chocolate seems silly to me. I try to just not buy sweets - or really food in general - but I lose that battle often (since I have to feed my family but whatever).
It's just so annoying. So, to stop being annoyed I'm going to go eat 27 pieces of pizza, down some M&M's and swig some diet coke. That will show my butt who's in charge...

40 daisies daisies...

2009-02-26T13:28:00.006-06:00

It is officially Lent. That may not mean anything to some of you but to someone living in Satan's Pants, AKA home of Catholics (which almost makes me feel bad for typing Satan's Pants right before Catholics but whatever) that means time for Ash Wednesday, Friday Fish and a 40 day "sacrifice".
Ash Wednesday was yesterday. On Ash Wednesday and every Friday between now and Good Friday Catholics like TC are not suppose to eat meat - only vegetarian dishes and fish. TC and his family thinks this is quite fun - I find it annoying. I didn't grow up Catholic - Lutheran actually - but when I go out to lunch or dinner on a Friday I don't need ugly eyes on me because I want a juicy burger and not a piece of lake perch. Gag. I don't really find it that super fun to order up a fried piece fillet o' yuck just because everyone else grew up Catholic. I get the symbolism - but I think it's silly. Whatever floats your boat I guess - HA!
Last night TC asked the boys what they were giving up for Lent. He explained to them that God gave up his son for us and to show gratitude we give up something during Lent. Of course little bit said poop (everything is poop) but the older child sat at the table and proceeded to cry. He did NOT want to give up anything. I found this ridiculous and typical. It's not like anyone expects him to give up food and water for 40 days or talking (all though that's not a bad thought). I mean an after school snack or a toy or something would be fine. First he decided he would give up the Wii. After thinking about that for approx. 2 minutes he changed his mind. No way is he giving up his Mario Cart Racing for 40 days. He's now settled on his after school snack. However, when he gets home this afternoon I'm sure we'll have waterworks when he's hungry. I'll give him an opportunity to change it again - but then it has to stick or I'll decide for him. As far as my now middle child, poop probably won't work. I'm not sure what TC is giving up but I've apparently given up sleeping and showers. If that doesn't count there's always alligator wrestling and underwater basket weaving...
**I totally called it - the big one came home and said he was thirsty. I reminded him that he wasn't getting a snack because he had given them up for Lent. He was OK with it. Then about an hour later he came upstairs and was sneaking around in the kitchen - he snuck a granola bar and put it in his pocket. He was totally busted. Then about 2 seconds later the tears came and the I'm so hungry sob story started. He's thinking about a change...

Things I've realized today:

2009-02-16T12:43:00.003-06:00

I know it's been a while since I've posted. However, since I'm in a semi decent mood today I thought I would grace you with my brattiness. Why only semi decent you ask? Because: 1) I haven't slept since sometime during the second trimester 2) It's cold as crap - again and I've had quite enough 3) keep reading...
1) I love my new school bus. It's not really a school bus but it's a awfully large and in charge brand spankin' used mini-van. This is my third. I know some of you are saying "ewww" but really it's heaven. It's a bit roomier than my last van ( I know, hard to belive) and all the doors open with the push of a button. My first van I had to open all the doors myself - the horror, and my last one only one opened with a button. This monstrosity has three doors that open. I don't have to lift a freaking finger. And why should I have to?
I know you're thinking that I have to be too cool for a mini-van and you would be right. I should be trekking around in a boat sized SUV like all the other super cool mommies, but I have a hard time parking vehicles and I've wrecked my fair share of cars. So, driving around in a boat is not an option. Not to mention that paying for the gas in one of those these days is ridiculous. So, I have to settle with being cool in a mini-van. I can totally pull that off because I'm awesome.
2)The infant loves country music! Caboose is a gassy mess and there is nothing I can do for him in the middle of the highway so, we try the loud music trick to "soothe" him - aka - stop the insanity. Today, George Strait calmed him down. So, George is my hero. He's always been one of my hero's - watch Pure Country and he'll be one of yours too with "All the Smoke and the Lights".
3) I don't like grocery shopping during the geriatric hour. I'm not trying to be ugly - I enjoy older people. I hope to be an older person someday that gets to hang out at the grocery store and drive the youngsters crazy. However, there is just no reason to block the aisles and not move. Meemaw and Peepaw need to keep on going. Also, if you insist on driving around the grocery store in your Rascal then at least put the pedal to the metal and get moving! Just because you have all day to hang out and visit with old friends at the local grocery store, I don't. I have babies to feed and pre-schoolers to pick up and TV to watch. Cold Case Files is not going to watch itself people!
4) Just because you're a fancy store does not mean that I want to pay your stupid inflated prices. I went to a baby shower this weekend. The mommy to be received a lot of cute gifts that I thought caboose would enjoy. So I stopped by the store she registered at today to possibly pick one or two up for the baby. However, the prices were so unbelievable high for a dang rattle that I decided he could live without them. While I was there though the owner was having a meeting and talking about how the economy was hurting everyone. Here's a tip buddy - lower your prices and people will buy your products. Satan's Pants has very few kid stores and if you would come off your high horse we'd stop shopping at Target and Wal-Mart and give hoity toity a chance.
That's it for today - baby is screaming. Need to find some more George...

Catch up

2009-02-08T18:21:00.003-06:00

I know I've been a horrible blogger lately. I'll be honest - I'm too tired and don't really have anything interesting to tell ya'll about. However, I'm sure you all want to hear how life with three little boys is going so I'll fill you in:
Caboose had jaundice. He had to be put on a "billy blanket" to cure him of the ailment. Also, he wasn't gaining weight even though he was eating quite regularly. We had to run a lot of tests to figure out what was going on. End result - no one knows. Now it's only going to cost me $500 for the doctors to "practice medicine".
Last week I had the stomach flu. Yes, having the stomach flu with two young boys and an infant is super fun. I would have rather gone through labor again - true story. I'm truly thankful that I was the only one here to get sick. The only thing worse that being sick is having to clean up everyone else's sick.
I haven't slept much. Caboose thinks it's more fun to sleep all day and eat all night. We've had battles with gas keeping him up so my new best friend is the gas drop. He eats like a piggy every 2.5 hours at night and I'm exhausted. The only thing that makes all this worse is when he decides it's a good idea to tinkle on me while I'm half asleep trying to change his diaper. However, it's very rewarding when he's full and happy and has a slight grin on his face as he lays in his cradle and sleeps (I guess at least one of us is happy).
Other than all this and two other children who are trying my patients things here in Satan's Pants are sunshine and rainbows. Right now we're all just thinking spring and hoping the groundhog was wrong last week when he saw his shadow.

New chapter...

2009-01-20T17:07:00.003-06:00

I'm baaaaack...... At least until I crash - which could be any minute now. I haven't "slept" since 27 weeks gestation and since I've had the baby I've slept less than usual. On the upside I've been a lot more comfortable and haven't had to go to the bathroom every 27 seconds. On the down side I'm beyond exhausted and not sure if I've brushed my teeth today (or yesterday) and hope everyone likes the outfit I have on because I've had it on for days and don't see an end in sight (I don't have a lot that fits and unless I buy every color of velor track pants you'll have to deal with the black and blue pair). However, I have the most adorable little boy and he's worth it. Now, call me at 2:30 a.m. and see if I still have that stellar attitude.
Labor and delivery went fine. I'm not going to sugar coat it for everyone that hasn't gone through it -It's no piece of cake. However, if you time your epidural right it's not so bad. I had the cutest British anesthesiologist with the cutest accent (he liked mine to by the way). I was so embarrassed when he asked me my weight -grrr. I was going to lie but the nurse had my chart so she would have called me on it. Also, I think if I had given him a bogus number that was too light then I wouldn't have had the correct ratio of meds to fat and that could have been bad. After that I got a little sick and anxious - like I was having a panic attack in slow motion and had to take a little nap to gain back my strength. I wasn't sure if I would have been able to push in the state I was in. When it came time to have the baby and push I pushed him out in 5 minutes flat and now here we are! TAA DAA!
The hospital stay was fine. The nurses and people are super nice and they try to make your stay comfortable. Operative word here is try. Every morning someone wakes you up to take blood - like at 5:30 in the morning. The nurses come in and want to take blood pressure etc. throughout the day as well starting at the crack of dawn. They are stingy with their pain meds and want to watch you nurse your baby to make sure you're doing it right. I've had two other kids - I think I can nurse - and I clearly don't need an audience.
We're home now. Baby has his days and nights mixed up and mommy's hormones are in flux. I don't have a lot of energy right now but I'm stabilizing. I cry over everything and the bank crisis has me on edge again. Hopefully soon we'll all be on a "schedule" and feeling better. I'm super happy to be finished with pregnancy, labor and delivery and happy to start the new chapter as mommy of three boys. Wish us all luck :)

Sweet Child o' mine...

2009-01-12T15:11:00.003-06:00

I found out today that Wednesday is C day - as in Caboose day. It looks like me and my snarky attitude/mood swings/swollen ankles are heading to the hospital bright and early to be induced. This will be baby boy #3 induced exactly 2 weeks before his due date. I'm all for it - in case you didn't realize it I'm not the worlds most pleasant pregnant person - however, I believe I will be delivering my last child (dear God PLEASE) on the coldest January day in the last 15 years here in Satan's Pants. Only a child of mine would decide that was a great idea. It doesn't matter if he comes a day early or a day late - the next three are ridiculously cold and maybe it's better that I just stay in a nice hospital room where nurses and doctors are nice to me instead of trying to navigate around - in my cape - in the stupid cold. Poor Nana. She's heading up tonight. I hope she brings her Alaska clothes...
Little bit and I went shopping and to lunch today. I'm not sure he realizes how much his world is about to change. Last week he said his teachers wanted to know if the baby was here yet. He said "is it?". That's not a good sign. However, he's a sweetie so I think he'll be able to adjust. The big one will be fine. He'll now have 2 to boss around. Plus I'm hoping to bribe them both into being helpful. Wishful thinking I know, but maybe I'll get lucky...
So, if I don't blog again for a while you will know why. Until then, take care and peace out!

Black, Silver and White...

2009-01-06T17:14:00.003-06:00

So, I'm in 100% bitch mode right now. Yes, I admit it - I'm evil. In my mind I have every right to be right now and if you disagree - well then bite me. However, I'm not going to use this post to fill you in on the misery that is pregnancy - I have other things up my craw right now.
I'm obsessed with facebook. I go on ALL THE TIME. It has been so super fun for me to re-connect with old friends from high school and college and some other people I've met along the way. I love stalking everyone and seeing what they're doing and pictures of their spouses, kids etc. What I love the most though is that if I'm "friends" with someone and they comment on one of their "friends" pictures I get to see them. That's the best. However, it's also a little sad - for everyone involved.
I have several "friends" who were super sweet, cheerleader types that I got a long with fine. They have a friend who I truly disliked in high school and I can safely say I don't like her much right now either even though I haven't laid eyes on her since 1993. I'm still pretty sure she was only popular because she was kind of slutty. I just really don't see any other reason anyone would have liked her. She had no redeeming qualities then, I'm sure she doesn't have any now either. Anyway, she is constantly using her scanner to scan pictures of middle school and high school and sending them out. I'm not in any of them - we weren't friends, but they're hilarious and really take you back. However, I'm beginning to wonder if she's obsessed with this time in her life because her time now isn't working out for her. She still has her maiden name - I'm assuming either someone wised up and divorced her or no one wants to marry her, all her "friends" went to high school with us which means she has no friends from later in her life- apparently she wasn't the queen bee in college, or didn't go because she's an idiot, and her hair still looks the same - which is bad since we were in high school in the 90's.
I'm not saying that it isn't fun to see old friends and old pictures - I DO NOT want to see any of me (middle school was the beginning, not end, of my awkward years). I also think it's right funny to remember that people would wear those hideous outfits and tease their hair like that and go out thinking they looked pretty. I just think she needs to step away from the scanner and get a life.
Maybe I wouldn't be this hateful if I felt better. Maybe I would even ask her to be my "friend". However, chances are I would be this evil regardless. I don't really hope she's miserable - my mama raised me better than that - I just think she may be on par with Bratness McSlut (who by the way is a "friend" on facebook - HA).
That's all for now. I have no more energy and I have to potty for the 1247th time today, and my head hurts. I feel confident with my new "attitude" something will annoy me tomorrow and if I haven't induced my own labor I may just blog about to make myself feel better. TTFN!

Out with the old and in with the new...

2008-12-31T21:40:00.003-06:00

So, it's 9:40 p.m. on New Years Eve and I'm sitting at home - doing 100% nothing. Not that we didn't have a fun festive evening. We went to a local fast food restaurant for dinner - kids had kid meals, I had a fish sandwich (don't judge - I'm pregnant) and TC... well, TC had the pot roast dinner with mashed potatoes and green beans. I thought I might puke... What could be worse! The green beans were so green I thought they were wax. Whatever - it's a holiday. Knock yourself out. After dinner we took the kids to see a movie. High School Musical 3! We've now seen the trilogy... Don't be jealous. Next new years you too can go to the budget theater and see a Disney movie (movie was actually super cute - I'm just afraid now that I'm going to have to sign the boys up for dance class).
I went to the Dr. yesterday. I'm 2 cm dilated and 50% blah, blah, blah. What that means is - who knows. I'm miserable and uncomfortable and I'm not sleeping. However, since I've missed the deadline for the tax write off I'd rather just let baby boy caboose plump up a little. However, he's dropped so low I'm afraid he's going to fall out in the snow (I know, TMI). I go back to the Dr. Monday so maybe I'll have some additional information for you.
Well, I just wanted to write and wish everyone out in blog land a very Happy New Year. Here's hoping we all have a prosperous, healthy and exciting 2009. Peace out!

Haul out the holly (and wrapping and bows)...

2008-12-22T20:10:00.003-06:00

I know I've been super lazy about blogging lately. I apologize. Take it as my gift to you - a couple weeks of not having to read about how much I dislike Satan's Pants, how flippin' cold it is here, and how uncomfortable I am not that I'm inching towards 9 months pregnant. My family is tired of hearing it - I figured you would be too. If not, you can email, call or comment and I'll give you the low down of how horrible it is to be outside when the windchill is 30 below and you're wearing a cape that flies in the wind (the news reported a bat man sighting), how my socks cut into my swollen ankles and I look like big mama in house shoes that need to be cut open to squeeze my foot into, and how if I spend one more minute in the bathroom I will have officially spent more time going tinkle than doing ANYTHING else this month.
Christmas is in 3 days! I can't believe it. I have a mountain of things to do and I'm just not sure it's all going to get done. I've grocery shopped, but I may have to change the menu to cold cuts, white bread and Boones Farm. If I get everyone drunk enough they won't know the difference. I have almost all the gifts bought - but ZERO wrapped. I HATE wrapping. I love packages that have beautiful ribbons etc. but I just can't do it. Gift bags were invented for me. However, little boys like to rip into paper so TC and I need to get busy wrapping. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean Santa gets to fall down on the job this year. I'm too tired right now - I'll have to start tomorrow...
If I don't post again before Christmas, I hope everyone has a fabulous holiday and gets to spend lots of quality time with their loved ones. Hugs and Peace from Peaches and Cheese!

Snow days...

2008-12-09T09:52:00.002-06:00

I know, I know, it' been a while. However, you should cut me some slack. I've been super busy floating around like a giant Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon and between Thanksgiving, Christmas with Nana and Papa and having swollen ankles, aching feet and an all around bad attitude about the size of my butt, I just haven't had time to blog - or anything to really tell you guys about. However, I didn't want you to think I'd forgotten about you so here I am for your enjoyment. Yes, I know I'm a giver...
Today we're having a snow day. No, I didn't declare a snow day - Satan's Pants called off school. I have to admit I'm a bit baffled by the entire thing. The past few years that we've had to watch out for school closings we've never had a "snow" day. We've been off plenty of times because it was too cold for the kids to have to stand at the bus stop (I think it has to be 30 below with the wind chill for them to call of school), but we've never had a snow day because we're getting too much snow. I'm sure the kids don't mind but I was actually hoping to get some things done and having both of them home fighting over who gets to be Luke Skywalker on the Wii is REALLY annoying... If I felt better I would have some arts and crafts around or something but I don't. The little one would paint and do all that - the older one would just assume NOT do anything that involved the word ART. Since I feel miserable on top of being 33 weeks pregnant I'm not real sure what I'll get accomplished. So, here's to a day of Lego Star Wars, yelling and beating each other with light sabers - Cheers...
I'll try and blog more in the coming weeks. After that I can't make any promises. Baby caboose is getting big, moving around and being active. The only problem so far is that he's upside down (or sideways really). Next time I go to the dr. if he hasn't "engaged" then we'll have to do an ultrasound to see where he is and then they'll try and move him. Whatever - let's just get the show on the road! My blood pressure is unusually good (it tends to sky rocket about this time in my pregnancies but hasn't - even with all my financial market concerns that I really know nothing about and everything else) which is good and bad. Good because it can't be good for caboose for my blood pressure to go up, bad because I can't guarantee being induced and that really freaks me out.
Well, the yelling has started. Must go referee... TTFN!

Stupid dog...

2008-11-22T22:39:00.003-06:00

I lied - I thought that I wouldn't be blogging again until after the holiday - but I'm so boiling mad/relieved right now that I just had to post - and try to bring down my blood pressure. My beloved dog ran away tonight. Yeah, yeah he's back and fine but not until I had flipped out and almost had a heart attack! You have to know my dog. He loves me very much. Either that or I eat a lot and he wants to be next to me in case I decide to share. Regardless, he's always under my feet and he likes it there. He prefers to go outside - potty - and come right back in. He follows me to the bathroom, bed and everywhere else. So why pray-tell he would run away beats me.
Tonight I was putting up the Christmas stuff. I let the dog out, packed up a box of fall decor and went to let him back in. He wasn't there. He also wasn't in the back yard and didn't come when I called. I put on my slippers - in 20 degree weather - and walked around the house looking for him. I couldn't find him. I went in and grabbed a flashlight thinking maybe he was playing one of his "games". Still didn't see him. I yelled for him (no, I don't care if the neighbors were sleeping - my freaking dog was missing). Then I went 100% bat poop crazy...
As I mentioned before my husband is out of town. So, I had to wake the kids up, got them re-dressed, put them in the van and go looking for the dog. No, I did not have any idea which way he would have gone or where he might be, but I couldn't stay in the house and hope for the best - it's 20 freaking degrees and even my furry best friend knows how stupid that is! I parked at every second house and got out and searched with my flashlight (again - don't care) and then I did the unthinkable. I called my husband, who is stuck on an island, hunting (yes, I know stupid) and started crying over the phone demanding that he tell me where my dog is (he didn't know - go figure). TC said to leave the light on in the garage and listen for him to scratch on the door. Great idea honey! I'll just sleep on the kitchen floor tonight and hope for the best. Whatever. I then decided to walk down towards the lake and see if he tried to go in the water (yes he's a lab but he hates to swim - it was a last resort kind of thing). I'm not sure what I was going to do in this instance - I suppose throw him a raft. I then also flipped out thinking that if he didn't come home tonight he would be outside tomorrow morning, freezing, when the blaze orange hunters got up and they might think he was a white tailed doe (you know, because he doesn't have horns). I decided to make one more lap around the neighborhood when I saw the idiot dog. He ran to the van and tried to jump in the front seat - with me. Apparently dummy was as scared as I was (however, he didn't wake up the kids or call TC but whatever).
So, I have found my dog. I've also scared my children, caused my husband to loose his buzz and tripled my blood pressure. However, I don't care. I have my dog - right by my feet where he belongs.

Deer Widows Weekend

2008-11-22T20:01:00.003-06:00

This weekend the people of Satan's Pants call two things - The beginning of deer hunting week or Deer Widows Weekend. Either way it means the boys are hunting (and some ladies too if you enjoy traipsing through the bitter cold in head to toe blaze orange) and the ladies are left to their own devises -shopping, drinking, eating - and not necessarily in that order. Usually I enjoy these weekends. Typically I find a sitter and go to a movie or out to dinner with friends. This year I'm home - alone - bored.
Not that I don't have a to do list from here to Georgia. I do. I just don't have the energy or desire. I wanted to decorate for Christmas (minus the tree), clean the house, make a grocery list, and start/finish my Christmas cards. So far I've attempted to clean the house, I've rummaged through the basement to find my Christmas decor and I've thought real hard about the list and cards. Maybe tomorrow I'll think about them again...
This week is going to be a monster of a busy week. I have a conference with both boys teachers, I have a Thanksgiving feast at work (we're having hot beef - who the heck has hot beef for Thanksgiving) and I have my to do list all before my parents come Wednesday night. If I don't get my list accomplished I hope they aren't disappointed with a half decorated house and no food. I can live off Rice Krispies and diet coke - why can't they.
If I don't have time to blog during the next week or so I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving. For everyone traveling - stay safe. For everyone staying home, enjoy yourself and for goodness sakes don't have hot beef!

Still looking...

2008-11-18T09:29:00.004-06:00

It's getting cold here in Satan's Pants - and we all know how I feel about that. I think it stinks! I missed summer this year being sick and immobile, tried to enjoy fall until the credit crisis hit, the democrats took over all aspects of Washington and a recession freaked me out to the point that I've read EVERY report imaginable trying to figure out when this will end and what I can do to keep afloat (apparently nothing - the reports have titles like Worst Christmas Season ever, Dismal 2009, We're all going down blah blah blah). It's been very difficult to become motivated to do anything when I have to tote around my laptop to check the DOW and see what CNN and Fox news has for my reading enjoyment...
Enough about that. So, this year I'm as big as a house and cold. Obviously my coat doesn't fit. I was going to buy a bigger size but I wasn't positive that would work or be worth the money. I'm not sure how much bigger I'll get (apparently 10 more cm according to earth mother mid-wife) or if a size or two will work (I refuse to buy a coat bigger than that - I have my limits). I also don't want to waste the money on a coat that I'll only wear for a couple month. Instead of a coat then my mom talked me in to buying a cape. Can you say RIDICULOUS! I wore it for the first time yesterday. I'm one tam away from looking like my grandmother! TC called me Count Duku, and I think the boys are discussing if I look like Batman or the Joker. To make matters worse, they've only seen the black side. This bad boy is reversible - it's bright red on the other side. If ANYONE says anything about me looking like a Christmas ball if I wear the red side I swear they'll regret taking the breath to say that. I'm the worst pregnant woman ever and I don't need the criticism from people I may or may not even like just because I look ridiculous. However, I stimulated the economy by buying that heap of fabric so stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
I'm putting up the Christmas decorations this weekend. Don't judge! TC is out of town and it seemed like the perfect time to get it done. I'm not putting up the tree or garland yet - I'll wait until my dad gets here next weekend and give him a project - like fix us some coffee while we watch TC put up the tree :) I remember a lot of swear words as a youngster while my dad fought with the tree and the lights. I think it's only fair that he is around to observe the same from TC. Although, TC would say shucks or crumps or something polite like that. He's nice and I become impatient and start throwing things and yelling. Maybe this year I won't have the energy to throw things. I've been told I'm no longer allowed to yell. Whatever... I'll stop yelling when you move me someplace warm and happy where the people say ya'll and ma'am. Until then cover your flippin ears and fix the economy!

Where is my happy place?

2008-11-10T14:00:00.004-06:00

So, the election is over - thank goodness. The phone has barely rang since Tuesday. I'm actually kind of lonely. Now instead of the commercials being political they're Christmas! I would say it's too early for that but I'm decorating the house next weekend so why not get in the spirit. My mom and dad are coming to Satan's Pants for Thanksgiving and to celebrate Christmas so I figured I would go ahead and have it (almost) finished. Also, since the election is over and my guy lost, a little Christmas spirit should help with the depression running through the house. We can take a month to reflect on something and someone else more important.
I really don't have a lot to say. I'm SUPER BUMMED about the election. I really hope that the President Elect is either going to change some of his policies or come to his senses. I hope that he realizes almost 1/2 the country does not agree with him and if he wants to run again in 4 years he needs to be more centered. I hope the good things he's promised he'll follow through with. I hope Nancy Pelosi is put in her place and told to shut up and get that stupid grin off her face before I slap her into next Thursday (OK, I'm being nasty I'll stop).
I've taken a week to try and deal with some of these issues before I ranted about them but I'm still ticked, scared and worried about the state of my country. I'm concerned for the future of my children, myself, my husbands job (which is in health care - as in Health Insurance) and the future of everyone I care deeply about. I'm concerned that my husband is going to go off the deep end and take me with him. I'm worried that my midwife isn't going to let me take any meds for my irrational behavior. I'm worried that I may have to hit TC in the face with a stick (and if I do - he TOTALLY deserves it).
I wasn't going to rant about politics here. I realize some of my "readers" may feel differently than I do. I do not mean to offend. However, this is my blog and if you don't like it you don't have to read it. Hopefully soon I'll feel like writing a what not to wear blog and we can be friends again then. This is my place to get things off my chest - deal...
Now, I'm not saying that the current administration has done a bang up job. They have not. However, I always thought the trickle down effect worked a lot better than the trickle up. I guess though if after the inauguration TC's job is eliminated, we have to sell our beautiful home and live in a shack then I will come to appreciate the spread the wealth. Who though is going to have the wealth to spread - not us - it's been taken it away.
OK enough - everyone think of rainbows, puppies and babies and feel better. I'm going to go do my breathing exercises and see if I can find my happy place. I promise my next post will be more uplifting - for you anyway. TTFN!

Stop calling - I'm voting!

2008-11-01T10:17:00.004-05:00

Now that Halloween is over we have to start focusing on voting Tuesday. I'm ready to stand in line to cast my vote - Satan's pants doesn't offer early voting - even if it's against the opinion of many. As nervous as I am about the state of the country (more after Tuesday than right this minute - however, I'm not "discussing" my politics here so no one needs to get their panties in a wad) I'm REALLY looking forward to Wednesday when it's all over.
I'm am registered with my party. I am not registered as an independent but have aligned myself straight party. My husband is registered as an independent (although with this election he makes me look more Nancy Pelosi to his Newt Gingrich which is scary) as he doesn't want to be aligned with a certain party (come on TC, but on your big boy pants and declare yourself). Between the two of us we've given in the hundreds of dollars to "MY" party (I know, I know we're awesome) to help with their election. Our presidential candidate and congressional candidates have used our hard earned money to make their awesome commercials, clever print ads and automated telephone calls.
I've HAD IT with the phone calls. One would think that if I've registered with a certain party that party wouldn't have to call me 270 times a day. You've got my vote - call someone else! I could almost see the opposite party calling - maybe seeing if I've changed my vote, maybe they can persuade me to change my vote - however, they've only called a handful of times. My party won't stop calling! They need to take my $100 dollars and call someone else. I know they aren't calling to persuade TC - he signed the checks! Prank call the idiots down the street for all I care but STOP CALLING ME! I don't even pick up the phone anymore. Today is Saturday, 10 a.m., and I've already gotten a call. I could recycle political mail into bricks and build a house. And if I hear "I approve this message" one more time I'm going to throw one of the bricks at the TV (luckily we have Tivo so I just pause and fast forward).
I'm looking forward to this all being over. I'm hoping not to have to hear about it from EVERYONE - neighbors, people at work, the poor kids who don't understand, and the campaigns themselves. I'm hoping to getting back to focusing on other things like do the boys want a Millennium Falcon or an AT- TE for Christmas (I have no idea what either of them are but I've heard almost as much about them as I have McCain and Obama) and does the caboose really need to kick me as hard as he does.
Everyone needs to vote. It's very important and is part of your civic duty. You can't complain if you don't vote - and everyone knows I'll need an excuse to complain. So,do your part, cast your vote and be proud to be an American!

Happy Halloween!!!!

2008-10-31T20:31:00.003-05:00

We had a fairly uneventful Halloween. Excluding the sugar high we did pretty well. The boys dressed up like a Clone Trooper and Darth Vadar. Pretty scary. It was a beautiful warm day here today - low 60's - so it was perfect for Trick or Treating. It's never been this warm on Halloween here before. The boys are usually in hats and mittens (or socks on their hands if I haven't gotten around to finding mittens for the year - which I haven't) and long underwear and look more like snowmen than whatever they've dressed up as. This year I still had them in long underwear - we can't break tradition - and when they got home after running house to house they were burning up. The little one was on such a sugar high that he kept yelling for me to take off his costume.
Last year TC bought a stupid mad scientist named Dr. Shivers that says spooky crap and holds candy. I hate him. The little one was afraid of him last year and things didn't get much better this year. We brought him upstairs from the basement last weekend and put him in the dining room. Darth wouldn't go in the dining room all week. He kept telling me "I'm tough, I'm not scared" but wouldn't go in the dining room alone. I wanted to take a picture of him and Dr. Shivers but he wouldn't go near him. We've used Dr. Shivers as a threat - like shape up or you're going in the basement with Dr. Shivers. Whips him into shape every time. When his brother gets mad at him he goes and turns him on so he'll talk. The little one can't handle it. It's mean I know but sometimes you've gotta do what you gotta do :) Dr. Shivers is going back in the basement tomorrow. The little one can stay with me.
Hope everyone had a spooktacular Halloween and had some boolicious candy! I told my neighbor that I was craving butterfingers so she gave me at least 12 full size bars. TC was super embarrassed. Whatever.
Now let's get ready for Thanksgiving - Gobble Gobble.... and Christmas. Santa will be here before you know it (lawdy, lawdy).

Procrastination...

2008-10-26T14:05:00.004-05:00

I am beyond annoyed right now - totally. 100%. annoyed. In the next 2 months I have to get through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not to mention we have school events, TC is going hunting, my family is coming for a visit, Christmas parties, shopping etc. all before we have our third child in January. No pressure really. In that time I need to accomplish a multitude of projects here at the house. I need to convert a storage area into a play room, convert a play room into a real room, remove tacky furniture that I hate and TC insists we may need some day (maybe for the bonfire I'll have in the back yard if it's not removed soon but not for anything else), and set up a nursery. I would like all of this done before Thanksgiving so I can sit on my large and in charge ass and eat peppermint bark and watch sappy movies during the Christmas season.
Here is the GIANT problem - my husband. He has absolutely zero desire to get anything done. Yesterday after breakfast he wanted to make a game plan. I was elated. I thought that maybe we would have some of the hard stuff finished before the end of the weekend. After looking at all the crap we have to do he basically turned off his listening ears and decided to find anything else he could do instead of what we had just discussed. Yesterday he swept the kitchen, went to the grocery store, made chicken dip and cheddar biscuits for a party we were going to and though it might be a good time to finally change the knobs on the closet doors in the basement that I've wanted changed for a year now. The screws were too short so he was going to go to the hardware store. That's when I threatened his life. I totally appreciated the sweeping and the baking since it needed to be done anyway but seriously. This morning he decided today was the day he was going to go help his parents rake their yard. As much as they do for us and as much as they deserve our help, I'm not sure why today out of the last 5 freaking years was the day he needed to rake. I told him if he left the house without getting the crap out of the soon to be play area he could just stay at his parents. He accomplished that - and when he gets home he's going to take the trash to his truck so in 6 months he can take it to a dump somewhere. So stupid.
I realize I'm also procrastinating at doing what needs to be done. However, I'm 6 months pregnant and have an excuse. What's his excuse - too damn dumb? NO! He's not - he's super smart and kind of helpful and if caboose doesn't have a place to sleep when he gets here I'm going to be pissed!!!!! I realize the baby can sleep in a box if need be. However, if you or he thinks I'm going to have more energy after the baby gets here then you're all smokin the crack pipe!
I'm going to go and get something accomplished. Tonight I'm going to lay on the floor and moan about the pain in my backside that won't go away from doing too much work. I'm then going to go to bed and take all the covers. Tomorrow I'm not going to wash any of his underwear and fix his least favorite meal. Then I'm going to complain about my back all over again. Two can play your game TC and everyone knows mama always wins.

UPDATE: Jackass showed up an hour late from helping his folks. He was "impressed" with what I had accomplished. Wanted a hug - did not get one. Didn't understand why I was annoyed today when he told me about this yesterday. Answer: I reserve the right to become annoyed at any time. He is now building the shelves we bought - at 5:30. I guess he's showing me. Now I'll be forced to clean up the current play room and start moving crap. However, I can't do that by myself either. Do I have to pout again next weekend? Probably...

Yes officer...

2008-10-16T18:28:00.003-05:00

As I have said before, I am the worlds slowest driver. I only drive 70 on the highway (speed limit is 65) and I'll only go 5 miles over on other roads. However, tonight I was pulled over for speeding. I was apparently going 41 in a 25. First of all, when the entire 5 mile road is 35 mph, why in the world would less than 1/4 of it be 25? Why go to the trouble? I suppose to have a reason to pull someone over and make some extra money for Satan's pants. The officer said it was because there are children at that end of the street. Well, here's a news flash - there are children on my end of the street by my neighborhood too but that speed limit is 35, plus there's a school and a playground in the middle of the street and the limit is 35 (it's a long street and no it's technically not residential). What makes the west side so damn special that they get to call and complain about the crazy speeders? So stupid.
Here's another thought - when you see a pregnant woman in a navy blue mini van does that scream speed demon? No, it screams "she doesn't realize that the speed limit is different for the west side of the street". What part of sensible mom car do you not understand? And what part of "I'm pregnant and I need to potty" don't you understand?
As I was waiting for the officer to come back and tell me I owed him $250 for driving over the speed limit several cars drove by. Even though it's a two lane road they all had to stop and take a look. Apparently they needed to see if it was one of their neighbors getting a ticket or just another hoodlum in a blue mini van. I didn't recognize any of the rubber neckers, but I was "fixin" to show them some southern hospitality with my middle finger if they didn't move on. Getting a ticket is stressful enough, being stared out by people in a 1984 Trans Am, who are probably on their way to Shoots to have a few is just wrong.
After Officer James went and looked me up on his handy dandy computer he came back and gave me a written warning. Apparently I have a clean record and he wants to help me keep it that way. I think he just realized that I wasn't blowing smoke up his yahoo when I said I didn't realize it was a 25 mph zone. A pregnant women in a mini van would not make something like that up. However, I must admit I did thicken up my accent for him just a little. You gotta shake what your mama gave you when you need to :)

Bar Crawl

2008-10-14T08:42:00.002-05:00

A friend of my husbands from Atlanta came to our neck of the woods for a quick visit last week. Apparently he's from here, but his family was smart enough to move south many years ago. He went to a football game with TC and they had a great time. Football here is the ONLY thing going on so they take their tailgating seriously. The friend said it was the best time he had had tailgating at a pro game (duh) but he and his wife had a blast tailgating for the Alabama game that was played at the Georgia Dome. Apparently they caught Marta, got off at every stop and hit a cool bar. Then got down to the Dome and drank some more. I thought this was an awesome idea! However, here's how it would go here:
We could start either at the bar right down the street from our house which is on the bay. I don't think they play music there so we would probably forgo that one and hit "Shoots" which is closer to the highway anyway. Shoots is one of those bars where most of the customers don't have teeth. The floor is gross, and the ceiling is a drop ceiling and I even feel tall (however the stains in the ceiling make you want to duck). I wouldn't order a mixed drink because I wouldn't want to use their glasses - who knows if they've been washed, and if you don't know any Hank William's Jr. you may as well leave (luckily I do remember a few from fraternity parties at West Georgia so I'm good to go).
Next we would head down an exit and pick up a six pack at the BP. We should probably get some cheese curds while we're there too.
The next exit's bar is the lovely biker bar we went to for a graduation party back in May. I'm pretty sure the theology major is still passed out under the table. They do however have a great jukebox with all kinds of fun 80's music. Again though, just order beer and don't make eye contact with a large man named tiny.
The following exit has a brand spankin new Chili's. You could order a margarita here. I think they have one that's blue. Wow - this is shaping up to be a really exciting bar crawl - snooze....
And now we're at the exit with the big pretty stadium. We have two choices here. We can park our car and have a tailgate party with beer and brats or we can hit one of the many skanky bars that are down by the stadium. I suppose it depends on the weather. This southern chick doesn't attend any outside sporting event in Satan's Pants after October. It's too cold and too stupid.
After the game, if our team has won, we can go across the street to a bar and have a few before we drive back the 4 exits to our house. If you go to a bar, you can bet you'll hear "Come On Eileen" at least 4 times since that seems to be the Satan's Pants theme song.
When we get back to the house we can attempt to sober up by snow blowing the driveway. Good times...

Yeah hormones

2008-10-08T16:56:00.004-05:00

I've been a terrible blogger lately. It's not that I don't want to humor you with my banter, I just don't have a lot to say. I have a bit of the pre "baby blues". This should not be confused with my all out hate of everything Satan's pants. That's another ailment all together. It seems that everything is bringing me down right now - winter, the economy/election, all clothes beginning with maternity, and now after watching Good Morning America and The View, Robin Roberts and breast cancer. Seriously - I think I need happy pills (do they let pregnant women take those?).
Fall in the Midwest is beautiful. It's crisp, cool and lovely. However, do you know what comes after fall? I can't even say it. It's like one of those bad words that I don't say but my sister does (she totally called me one in the comments of my last post - classy). I hate hate hate winter. This sweet southern girl was not meant to wear a parka and snow boots. I actually had a discussion with my husband the other night about whether I should buy these really soft mittens I found or if I should try and find some flip mittens instead since I was going to have to lug around a baby carrier (we're still pondering). That should not be a conversation! I know some of you are thinking that I'm worrying a bit early but I'm really not. Chances are I'll have to buy the boys long underwear to wear under their Halloween costumes. One year the little one had to wear socks on his hands because I hadn't bought him any mittens yet. We went to four houses before his nose was running and his fingers were frozen and he was screaming. Good times.
The economy is something I just can't talk about. Mainly because I'm not truly understanding the crisis. I have though become consumed with watching the stock market. I log in to yahoo every hour to see if it's gone up, down or stayed the same. I have no idea why though. It's obsessive compulsive and makes me sick and nervous. There is no telling why. I understand that we have major problems to work out. However, I have faith that things will work out at some point. I have faith in my husband that he will take care of my family. I'm worried about it like everyone else but I think I may have gone to an extreme.
Maternity clothes - need I say more? Stupid, ugly and more stupid. I look gross and fat and I'm not happy about it. The sad thing - I'm only going to get bigger. I won't stay this size. No - I'll expand even more until I freaking pop. Will it be worth it in the end - yes. Is it worth it to me right now that you're listening to me rant about tacky clothes - yes. Thank you for that.
As far as Robin Roberts goes - bless her. I've followed her story this past year and I think she's handled her situation with a lot of grace. Today however, it struck me a bit differently and I had to cry about it. Not once, but twice. She's doing fine, I'll be fine, we'll all be fine. However, some happy pills might make everything a bit more fine....

Dear sis...

2008-10-03T08:49:00.003-05:00

Dear All About Owen,
In response to your letter, and because it's debate season, I have a few thought I wanted to share. Yes, it is 100% crap that Atlanta doesn't have any gas. Especially since it's a commuter town and 90% of the metro Atlanta population is probably still sitting on 75/85, 285 or 20 as we speak burning precious fuel. That stinks - especially since right now it is $4.00 a gallon. I will give Satan's pants a point for being able to avoid traffic - although our gas right now is $3.45 a gallon which is still stupid.
This morning however I would assume you did not wake up to the first frost of the season (it's only October 3rd for crying out loud). Your weather man didn't tell you that traditionally the first snow flakes fall sometime in October -which in my opinion is just plain wrong. And you my friend don't have to live in a Blue state.
I would love to tool to the home of the hit song "Everybody is somebody in Snellville" to watch bad football. I would love to be there so I can tell you to go burn more gas and fix your hair because I'm pretty sure brown on you isn't going to work (you're beautiful - just do something about your roots and call it a day), and I would love to give your precious little boy hugs and kisses until he tells me to go away (right now he has no idea who his aunt is and that is heart breaking). However, I can't because I'm stuck in SATAN'S PANTS.
So if we're keeping score I would have to say there are pro's and con's to each. However, in my opinion Atlanta is doing far better than this cow pasture I have to call home.
By the way - from my house I can't see Russia but I can smell poo from animals and there are flies galore since we live near a farm (which everyone here does). Kind of makes the pretty leaves a little less pretty...
Love you and miss you terribly,
Peaches

Hello again, hello..

2008-09-29T12:08:00.002-05:00

Sorry it's been so long. I've been super busy and haven't had a lot of time to rant - or really anything to rant about. Sure, some things have ticked me off - like the fact that comfortable shoes have to be ugly, UGA got their butts kicked by (I can't even say the name) and the economy is in shambles. Other than that I'm good.
My parents came for a quick visit last weekend. We had a nice time. We went to the farmers market, watched my oldest "play" football - he ran the wrong direction when he was quarterback so I wouldn't necessarily say he played. We ate - a lot - and watched football. We also took a trip up North to show my parents the AWESOME campground known as Yogi Bear. Worse -than - expected. For those of you who know my mom she has some photo's. Ingles Nook, please look at your own risk. I'm afraid you might wet your pants. I wasn't lying when I said that there was a giant Yogi bear statue in the front. As it turns out, there is also a lovely grouping of statues on top of the welcome center. So ridiculous! I think we've talked TC out of getting a camper and going to Yogi Bear - at least for a year. My dad asked him why he would want to go with a 5 month old. I guess he hadn't thought about that (duh). He's put off looking for a camper for a year. Hopefully I can come up with another reason next year as to why going to Yogi Bear and sleeping in a camper 10 feet away from another family (who may or may not have teeth or bathe) is not my idea of fun.
The baby is beginning to kick. Actually, baby is playing soccer in my tummy. As baby gets bigger I feel safe in saying he will probably kick harder and more often. I think the caboose and I need to have a little talk. I'm just over 5 months, already a little uncomfortable, fat as a house, and a bit cranky about the whole thing. I realize things get worse - I'm a professional at this now - but I'm not sure anyone can handle my attitude getting worse. Note to caboose - cool it with the kicks. They hurt mommy...
Everyone else is doing fine. The oldest is now a tiger scout and selling popcorn if you need any. He sold $160 worth at the Kwik Trip Saturday (true story - he and his dad set up a table outside and badgered people going in and out of the store). He's very proud of his accomplishment (as am I). I wouldn't have done as well. I don't like to sell things - just buy them. The little one and I are going to pick apples tomorrow with his school. He's quite excited. I have a feeling this may be a bit of a nightmare - he has no fear and I see him climbing the apple trees - but I think it will be fun. Good time, good times.
TTFN!

The Ultrasound

2008-09-17T19:39:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had my ultrasound. I was super nervous. The first two times I was more concerned with the sex. I assumed the baby was fine and all we needed to know was if I needed to buy pink or blue. This time being older and wiser (stop laughing Jill) I knew there were more important things to be concerned with. Did my baby have downs, was there a spinal problem, was the brain formed and functioning... I was terrified. Thankfully everything looks great. Baby doesn't like to cooperate though to have measurements taken. Keeps putting hands to the face- go figure it's one of mine...
For those of you who are worried about my negativity you need not worry. I'm really not this pessimistic. I'm just sarcastic by nature and it may be coming across as negative. I do hate Satan's Pants - that's not negative it's pure fact. It can't be helped. I do find most people annoying. Again, just a characteristic I've always had. Get out of my way and we'll be fine. Stop in the middle of the mall and we'll have problems. And no, I don't enjoy being pregnant. I'm not sure what crazy person actually does (and if you say "oh, I did" then you're the crazy one not me). You're sick, fat and ugly - what is there to like. However, if I didn't enjoy the outcome I wouldn't do it. The negativity regarding pregnancy washes away as soon as baby is sleeping through the night - kidding.
Now back to being me - the appointment yesterday was HORRIBLE. The ultrasound was great. The technician was hilarious and I enjoyed laying in a dark room with nothing to do except watch my baby swim for an hour. After the appointment is when it got bad. The last time I had a baby I had him at the same hospital. I had my ultrasound and the doctor came in and said everything looked fine and we left. Since I figured this is what would happen again I asked my husband to stick around with me to make sure. The nurse took us to a room to wait for the doctor and then - SHE MADE ME WEIGH IN!!!!!!!!! What kind of crap was that! My weight is a closely guarded secret. It's never uttered. The Pentagon should look into hiring me I've kept this secret so tight. I screamed at my husband to get out. I tried to have the tiny nurse to physically remove him from the room. She wouldn't - bratness. It took a lot of begging to get me on the scale. She promised she wouldn't let him look and promised not to even tell me (I have no idea what I weigh or how much I've gained and unless it gets out of hand one way or the other I prefer to keep it under wraps). TC was flabbergasted with my behavior. Seriously? I thought I was quite myself. After the weigh in debacle she had the nerve to want to take my blood pressure. After that fiasco I would have assumed it had just shot through the roof. It was actually fine. She however probably slipped the doctor a note letting him know his next patient needed to be admitted - soon.
***By the way - we still don't need to buy any pink *** the caboose is a precious baby boy!***

How about a pic-a-nic basket?

2008-09-14T20:33:00.005-05:00

Lately my husband and I have been trying to come up with creative ideas on how to spend more quality time with our children. I say shop, he says otherwise. TC would like to buy a camper and camp. Now, I'm OK with this (I think). Just because I'm a city girl doesn't mean I can't camp (however, do keep in mind that my idea of roughing it was sitting on a blanket at Stone Mountain Park listening to the rednecks scream Yee-Haw when Robert E. Lee broke his sword during the laser show). I think I could hang.
When my husband was younger his family had a camper and during the summer would take cool trips to places like Boston and Washington D.C. as well as hang out around Satan's Pants and go North for the the weekends (not sure how much farther north we can go without leaving America). This sounds interesting to me. However, my husbands mom and dad were both teachers so they had their summers free to go on these types of trips. My husband works constantly so there would probably be no week in D.C. and then head on up to Maine kind of thing.
Here is his solution. Buy a camper. Not one you drive but one you haul with a big truck. Park it at a camp ground called Yogi Bear and pay $2000 to stay ALL FREAKING SUMMER. I'm actually speechless about this. He's so excited - he's been researching campers, camp grounds, where to store it in the winter and everything else we would need for this great adventure. I'm trying not to burst his bubble - he's already said that this is about our children not about me (whatever), but come on. I'm just not sure how excited I am about spending the summer with some crazies at Yogi Bear park swimming in their pool, playing shuffle board and doing arts and crafts every weekend of the summer.
Now, I've actually never been to this campground. It could very well be super. However, I see toothless families with rusty campers hanging out drinking beer and burping while their kids run around with dirty faces in their diapers. I see a lot of fights between me and hubby about why I won't socialize with our "neighbors" or why I'm not having a super good time sleeping 5 deep in a 400 sq. foot camper. Or why I think the bug zapper looks a bit tacky hanging right by our "bedroom" window.
I'm having a hard time putting my head around this. In order to not spoil his fun I've been nice and not said anything too ugly. I know he's excited about taking the boys to do something that he use to do as a child. I get that. After a year maybe I can convince him to move the cinder blocks and try something different. However, if he for a minute thinks that this is my cup of tea, sitting at a park with a giant Yogi and Boo Boo statue then he doesn't know me very well at all. Plus, how many times to the "residents" really want to hear my joke about a pic-a-nic basket?

Proper Mall Behavior

2008-09-13T20:11:00.002-05:00

This morning the big ones flag football game was called off due to rain. Since he's not that in to anything athletic he was OK with missing out. We decided that instead of sitting around the house we would venture out of Satan's Pants and head south. TC had a test he was scheduled to take so we all went with and he dropped us at the "big" mall. This mall is usually awesome. It has my favorite stores, is clean and typically makes me happy. Today however, this was not the case.
I've haven't been this annoyed at a mall in a long time. First, it was so busy you would have thought it was Christmas at Perimeter mall in Atlanta. Second, the sales lady at Macy's was SO rude she should really be fired. I was going to make a purchase and she just walked away. Now I know I have two probably dirty children and I look a frumpy mess in my tacky maternity clothes, but come on. It was only Macy's for goodness sake! It's not like I was in my Target grubbies trying to buy shoes at Prada. It was MACY's. If I wasn't so tired I would send a tacky letter or email but after not even getting a coupon from Moe's I don't really see the point. Third, learn proper mall behavior. If you have to dig through your purse - step to the side. If you don't know where you're going - again step to the side. If your cruising for chicks or dudes do it some where other than the middle of the mall. If you don't have a stroller or a wheel chair don't take the elevator ESPECIALLY if the escalator is right beside it. There is no reason for 27 people to try and file in a tiny elevator when you could stand on the escalator and take a nice little ride up. I'm not asking you to run up the stairs. Just stand.
I know it's annoying to everyone else for a pregnant girl with a giant backside pushing a double stroller with a 7 year old lagging behind. However, I'm trying really hard to get where I'm going. I'm not going to stop in the middle of the aisle and have a lecture with my children or try and find my cell phone to make a call to their dad. When you have children you are usually on a mission. You need to get in, out and on with it. If you are at the mall to enjoy your day and spend as much time there as possible that is awesome. However, get out of the way. I swear I had a group of giggly girls stop right in front of me, take up the entire aisle and discuss if they wanted to go to Pottery Barn, Abercrombie or get a cookie. Do they really want me to plow them over with the Combi side by side? I think no - so move it or lose it bratness...
Other than that we had a nice day. We drove down and back in the rain, stopped at Trader Joe's (don't even get me started on that crazy place) and just enjoyed our day. We listened to the Georgia game on the radio (GO DAWGS!) which is always my favorite (NOT) and just had a lazy and rainy day. Sometimes that's just what you need.
TTFN!

Pitbulls with lipstick...

2008-09-04T15:33:00.003-05:00

I never thought I would use this "rant" of a blog to discuss politics. People tune in to read about how much I hate Satan's Pants, how when I drink I'm a rock star and how happy I am that my children went back to school. However, right now I have some ranting to do regarding politics and I wanted to share with you.
First, I am not here to push my politics on you. You are entitled to your opinion or lack of one. You can choose to vote for whom ever you feel will run this country the best and will be the best president for the people. If you want to know my opinion I will tell you. However, I will not push it on you and don't want yours pushed on me. If your not comfortable talking about politics with me we can discuss how Brenda on 90210 2.0 looked rode hard and put up wet (just sayin...). If you want to tell me your opinion I will listen - I may disagree but I will listen. However, if you come at me with a stupid double standard or an idiot excuse I may get a bit Irish on you.
Regardless of my politics I enjoyed Sarah Palin's speech last night. I enjoyed the fact that she's feisty and seems to have her head on straight. What ticks me off are the people that say - "her voice is whiny", "she needs to concentrate on her family", or "she's a woman". These are the same people who were OK with Hillary's whiny voice, the lack of concentration from her on her family (hello Bill's cheated like 214 times) and again she's also a woman. Dislike Sarah Palin because you disagree with her views. Don't make up lame excuses because your ignorant. I guarantee if Hillary's daughter would have gotten pregnant at 17 it would have been A OK with the double standard people. However, since it's a Republican then she can't do her job well because she's failed at being a mother. Pish posh! You can raise your children to make good decisions and they may still go out and do something you don't agree with. Sarah Palin is standing by her daughter like a good mother should and that in turn will turn her daughter into a fine young woman/mother as well. Sometimes we're dealt hands we don't understand at the moment but end up being the biggest blessings. I'm pleased at how Sarah Palin is handing this. I would expect the same from Hillary if the shoe was on the other foot and I would hope that Republicans would back her up as well.
This idiot I was talking to the other day was obviously a Barack fan (that is not the reason he's an idiot). Anyway, he decided to tell me that he doesn't like Palin because she's a woman and women get PMS and you can't trust a woman running the country with PMS. GO TAKE A FLYING LEAP JACK ASS!!! That had to be the most obnoxious remark anyone has ever made. I've had PMS. It sucks. I've had cramps, been moody, cried like a baby and acted like a total bitch. However, never has it occurred to me to bomb Iran just because Aunt Flo's on her way. Whatever. So stupid...
I think the fact that Sarah Palin is a mom, a governor and an all around sharp lady makes her qualified for the job she is running for. If you don't think she's qualified then don't vote for her. Base your opinion on her politics not because she's a woman, mom, prone to getting her period, and has a pregnant teenage daughter.
That's it. Next time we'll talk about something festive like fact that you shouldn't be a mean mom and dress your child in beige socks with black tennis shoes. Just sayin...

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2008-09-02T20:05:00.002-05:00

Do ya'll remember that commercial where the dad is floating on his buggy through the Office Depot/Max picking up school supplies while his kids are sulking behind him and their playing "the most wonderful time of the year" Christmas carol? That's an awesome commercial! I wish they still had it playing on TV. However, instead of the dad it would be me and it would be my children sulking behind me. SCHOOL STARTED TODAY!!!!! HIP HIP HORRAY! I know it's mean of me to be this excited. I do miss my oldest while he's away. However, he gets an early release day every month, has two days off in October, several in November and like a week and a half off in December, so we'll have plenty of time to catch up and bond all before the end of 2008. The only thing that would make it all better is if the little one started school - HE STARTS NEXT FRIDAY!!! Granted he only goes 2 mornings a week, but that's better than nothing. That means every Wednesday until the caboose comes I will be able to run all my errands in record time ALL - BY - MYSELF!
Call me selfish if you must. I clearly don't care. This summer was the summer from HELL. I was sick as a dog and really needed the kids to be in school so I could be miserable by myself. Instead, I had them home bored. I'm sorry I totally lost mom of the year this summer, but maybe I can win it back now that they're in school. Here's hoping my names still on the ballot.
Last year at this time I was a little choked up about the first day of school. I worried about him, cried the night before and cried when he got on the bus. This year I'm equally as worried, sad to see him go but not a tear was shed. Not a single one. If I wasn't pregnant I would have celebrated with some margarita's. Check back next year - after a summer with three kids I may need to just upgrade to shots of tequila.

Things that make you go hmmmm.

2008-08-31T17:40:00.003-05:00

Today we took the kids in the 90 degree heat to Satan's Pants little amusement park. This amusement park is another positive attribute to Satan's Pants. It's fun for kids and is dirt cheap. Each ticket is a quarter and no ride is more than two tickets. So, you can go with a family of four and five dollars and have a really great day. Also, if you don't use all your tickets they don't expire. So, we can save them until next summer (assuming I remember where I put them) and use them again. Great idea..
Since I am pregnant I couldn't ride the rides. So, while the kids and their dad stood in lines and rode the rides I people watched. Now I know it takes all kinds to make the world go round, but I do have a couple of things to say -
1. The amusement park is for kids. It's actually for small kids and their families. Once you're in high school you should probably stop coming unless you have small siblings. However, if you do decide to come there is really no need to wear halter tops and lucite heels. No one needs to wear hooker heels - period. I know you're probably hoping to pick up guys while you're riding the scrambler but come on! Next time leave the heels at home or pass up the park and head to the strip club down town. I think it's amature night.
2. I am proud of those who are choosing to quit the nasty habit of smoking. Applause to you. However, I am totally grossed out when you wear a tank top and your patch. Barf... Next time wear a shirt with sleeves. There is nothing more repulsive than a grown man in a tank top, jean shorts and a nasty patch on his arm. No one wants to see that.
3. If you must color your hair you need to choose a real color - blonde, brown, even a natural red. Maroon is not a natural hair color. Also, mother/daughter maroon hair is tacky. Along the same lines if you must get a perm DO NOT BRUSH IS OUT TO MAKE IT FRIZZY! There is absolutely no reason to look like a human fur ball.
4. If you are 10 or younger and weigh maybe 65 lbs. I can tell your big boobs aren't real. Do not stuff your bra. There is no reason for it. Little girls are suppose to be flat chested. Enjoy it while you can. One day they'll be bigger and may hang down to your waist.
There were more but I don't want to seem like a snob. I'm not trying to pick on these people but I just can't help myself. I'm really just trying to help. I know I'm not necessarily a "do" picture of perfection either. However, you won't find me in lucite heels or a brushed out perm. Just think before you go out in public. If not, you could face the ridicule of someone like me - best of luck to you then.

Beep Beep, Beep Beep, Yeah...

2008-08-29T09:57:00.006-05:00

One of my avid readers, who shall remain nameless, asked me to please try and find something positive to blog about. She is tired of the negativity that is Peaches and Cheese. She believes there has to be something positive going on in Satan's Pants (whatever). So, I've been on hiatus trying to find something positive. However, I'm drawing a blank. Go figure.
One thing "positive" I can say about Satan's Pants is there is no traffic. I can leave my house at 7:44 and still make it to work by 8 a.m. That I do enjoy. The only time there is a back up is if there is an accident or if the roads are frozen over (so stupid). I've become accustomed to not having to stop for traffic and making it home by 5:15. I will also add that I am NOT a fast driver. I drive just over the speed limit to avoid an accident or a ticket. Also, 9 times out of 10 I am driving around with precious cargo so I don't want to go to fast. There is no place in Satan's Pants that I need to get to super fast so I don't drive super fast. However, that does not mean that I enjoy putting down the interstate at 50 mph! Yesterday, as I got on the interstate and accelerated to go (since I have no air in the van right now I do not enjoy sitting in the car) I got behind "crafty1" with a bee-hive hairdo. She would not speed up! It was totally ridiculous. I yelled, I honked and I yelled some more and she continued to putt down the street talking on the phone to one of her bridge playing friends or her mall walking buddies. MOVE MEEMAW! I did not have the time or patience for such garbage. I am pregnant and mean and even a little old lady with terrible hair can tick me off. So move on with your bad self...
On a happy and positive note (here you go nameless one) today is my son's 7th Birthday! I can't believe it! SEVEN!!!! Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday I was pregnant with him and somehow I've found time to move 1000 miles away and add a couple more kids to the brood. He is super smart, super precious and super fun. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OBI WAN!!!

Can I get a goop goop...

2008-08-22T20:16:00.003-05:00

My husband was out of town again last night. (I figure he really is working or he has a new girl friend on the other side of the state. Either way he wasn't home). This morning as I was getting ready I saw that my hair goop was missing. I could not figure out where it was. The only explanation I could come up with was that either the paranormals had gotten to it or TC had taken it with him. I had to go with the paranormals.
I was wrong - it was my husband. My husband has had the same exact white boy hair cut since the minute I met him. The only difference is that it's now more gray so it's gotten a bit shorter. I can't imagine that it's more than 3/4 of an inch on top right now. Why in the world does he need my hair goop? I'm so perplexed. He asked last week if he could use some. I said sure for kicks and giggles. All it did was make his hair look greasy. Not the best look. I'm not sure what's more curious - the fact that he stole my hair goop or that he thinks the greasy look is a good look for him. Here's a tip - it's not! And, if you don't leave my stuff alone I will totally "lend" your smelly cologne to the garbage can.
I'm not mad at him - not exactly. I'm annoyed that he's not home as much right now, that he doesn't have a backbone when it comes to his family (there I said it - happy now) and steals my hair goop. I think he must be having a midlife crisis at 36. I know he gets stressed out being the primary bread winner with a wife and 2.5 kids. However, no man needs to take their high and tight hair and try and make it look "cool". It just looks foolish. Yes I told him this (do you not know me at all?) but I think he enjoys being ridiculous from time to time. However, if he goes and gets a barb wire tattoo he's totally crossed the line.

Vim, vigor and a bad attitude...

2008-08-19T14:35:00.003-05:00

Last week I was talking with a guy who works in my office. Nice guy - kind of quiet but I'm slowly getting him out of his shell. When there's a southern white girl at the front desk saying "tru dat" it's hard not to smile. So, we're talking about college - yeah college - and he asked me the essentials: who, what, when, where, why. When I told him I was in school for like 12 years because beer on Butch night with my sorority sisters was way more fun than class he was a little taken back. He could not believe that I was a sorority girl! What! Now I know that I have a bad attitude toward all things regulated. I don't like to be told what to do - wear this, pay this, sing this... However, I have several really great friends that came out of being in a sorority that I wouldn't change it for the world. I learned a lot from them and they learned never to tell me to wear clothes that don't match because this "sister" doesn't do that...
After I told the nice guy that I was in a sorority I reminded him that as an elite member of this community I'm also in Satan's Pants answer to the Junior League. Again - total disbelief. On this note I might have to agree with him. I've done this for 3 year and starting my 4th year next month. I have met a few really nice ladies that I hope to keep as friends as long as I'm stuck here, but I'm not sure it's really the right fit for me. Again, I don't enjoy being told what to do: be here, pay for this, work this (for free). It's amazing that there are some women who thrive on this. There are fussy snotty women who get their panties in a wad because I don't have all the time in the world to dedicate to the in's and out's of the league. I'm sorry - I have 2.5 children, a part time job, other volunteer positions AND lots and lots of TV to watch this fall (90210 2.0 starts 9.02 - can you handle it). I'm so tired of the crap. Give me a song to sing and a social to go to and I'm your girl. Work 20 plus hours for free - suck an egg.
I know I have a bad attitude. I enjoy putting myself out there to meet new people and do new things. Some things work and some things don't. I've made a commitment and I intend to stick to it. However, since I'm already at my whits end for this year (the year ends in June) you might want to stay out of my way. There are other things in life - so get a grip, a new hair cut and lose the attitude with me. In case you don't know it already when it comes to attitudes - mine is always worse...

Birthdays and the Olympics...

2008-08-15T10:38:00.004-05:00

I love the Olympics. I think that it's an awesome tradition to have young people more or less strut their stuff for the world to see. I think that everyone who makes it to the Olympics is so super talented. It's amazing that these kids put in so much time and effort to win a medal. Not cash - but a medal. That's love of sport. However, I have a few issues. When I was in middle school, high school and college I was a twirler (feature twirler if I want to toot my own horn - toot toot). You know, batons, fire, knives etc. I was pretty good if I do say so myself. I went to local competitions and to nationals (everyone was invited so don't get to excited - however, I won 2nd in my division for my solo routine - holla). Twirling takes a lot of talent, grace and practice yet it's not an Olympic sport. Not a problem really - if the Olympics doesn't recognize it as totally awesome then fine. I can live with that. However, why in the world would badminton, trampoline and rhythmic gymnastics be allowed? TRAMPOLINE! Seriously. I don't think I've every met anyone who's parents are homeschooling their children so they can become professional trampoline jumpers. Also, how do you keep a straight face when you tell people that you or your child is a trampoline jumper? I'd be almost embarrassed. However, since my oldest isn't the most athletic of children, maybe trampoline or badminton is the answer. If they have fighting with light sabers as an Olympic sport then we may have found his niche.
Tomorrow we're having a birthday party for said less athletic child. He's turning 7 at the end of the month, but since that's Labor Day weekend we're having the party early. We're having the party at a Bowling Alley and originally we were going to have 10 children maximum. However, me being me I felt bad for leaving 4 boys that were in his kindergarten class out so I invited all the boys. My son was fine with inviting whom ever, but really didn't care. They weren't his favorite friends, but he didn't hate them so I assumed it would be OK. None of the 4 boys/boys mothers felt the need to RSVP which drives me crazy! How do I give a final head count if you won't bother to RSVP! So, today I had to call them to confirm. Most were apologetic - I got busy, we've been out of town etc. HOWEVER, one was so rude. She said "I asked (short little bratty child) if he wanted to go and he said no". Who says that!?! I found that so hurtful. As a good southern girl I said thanks for the information but what I wanted to say was "that's OK, because my son really didn't want to invite your bratty son but I made him. I guess this works out for both of us". Again, SATAN'S PANTS is full of rude people. Apparently no one ever told them that if they don't have anything nice to say to not say anything at all. So stupid...

Just saying...

2008-08-14T13:43:00.004-05:00

Nothing interesting is happening in my life right now. I'm pregnant, I'm fat and I'm cranky. Other than that, it's just another day in the wonderful world of Satan's Pants. I've had a very busy couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to a couple weeks of nothing before the boys go back to school. It's time for me to catch up on my naps.
There is one thing I want to mention - has anyone noticed Katie Cruise's (you know Tom's wife) tight rolled jeans? Seriously - someone please call her and tell her that's ridiculous. That is a trend that NEVER needs to be repeated. Also, she could use a little lipstick. Just saying...

Things that go bump in the night.

2008-08-08T13:49:00.004-05:00

My husband was out of town last night - again (whatever). Last weekend when he was gone I was fine. I slept great - in bed early and up late just the way I like it. Last night however was quite different. After dinner the boys and I went outside to see if any of the neighbors were out and say hello (see I'm a fairly nice person). My next door neighbor was out - and freaked out. She was also home alone and thought that there was a critter in her basement. Instead of going downstairs to look, she was going to go to the back yard to look through the windows. I thought she was a bit whacked out, but who am I to judge. Luckily there was nothing in her basement.
After playing for a bit we came in so I could eat my dinner and watch some trash on TV. Since it is summer there isn't a lot on right now. Luckily I'll watch almost anything so I became totally enthralled with a show on Discovery called Diagnosis Unknown. I tuned in half way through an episode where the wife poisoned the husband with some type of seed that gives a person ricin poisoning. Pretty scary stuff. The second episode was about another wife poising her husband by putting something in his sweet tea. Since I knew where this episode was heading I went to bed.
After turning off the lights and attempting to go to sleep I thought I heard something in my room. I turned on the light and it was my dog. Tried to go back to sleep. Several minutes later the dog growled in the dark. Turned on the light again - apparently he was growling at his pillow. Then I woke up again because I thought I heard something in the den. When I sat up I thought I saw the door swinging back and forth very slowly. Now, I also watch Paranormal state and I did not want to have to call Ryan and the team to come and investigate so I quickly turned on the light and realized it was the stupid dog again thinking now would be a good time to try and lay on the couch (which is totally against the rules and he knew he was busted). I tried once again to go to sleep and thought that there was a strange light coming from outside. Turns out it was the neighbors. Since it was barely past 10 they still had their porch lights on. I then said to heck with it. If the poltergeist needs to get me then so be it.
Needless to say today I am sleepy. I'm looking forward to going home, eating dinner (the jury's still out on if we'll go to Moe's or not), and watching re-runs of Ghost Whisperer (told you - trash TV). Then I'm going to go to bed with garlic under my pillow and holy water beside the bed so I'm sure to be safe.

Seriously...

2008-08-04T14:59:00.003-05:00

I am totally being punished for something mean that I've done in the past. Maybe it's because I dislike most people - you know the ones that won't get out of the way, the slow minded people in the check out line, the rude people that think they own the freaking world. Or maybe it's because I talk hateful about living in Satan's Pants and regardless of how much I hate it apparently the other 200,000 or so people seem to like it. Regardless, if I have to feel barfy and exhausted one more day the next slow poke in front of me at the grocery store (you know the one's that apparently have NEVER been to a grocery store before) will have to listen to my high pitched, whiny screech of a voice (this is according to my equally sweet sister - I believe I have a great voice with an awesome hint of southern hospitality).
I am a generally good person. I do charity work, I volunteer all the time, I'm nice to my family and even to my husbands family. I feed and clothe my children and even fix meals from time to time. Today at the grocery store an older lady asked me to drive her rascal back into the store for her. SERIOUSLY! Luckily I couldn't figure out how to drive it. I would have been mortified for anyone I remotely know to see me drive into the store. I nicely told her I couldn't start it and I would go into the store and send someone out to get it. She said "thanks dear"... Also, even though I'm pregnant I don't take the "Reserved for Expected Mothers" spot yet. I've left them for the lucky brats that only have a couple more weeks to go.
I realize that I have a bit of an attitude problem and I'm pretty quick to let everyone know what I think, but do I really need to be punished with being barfy 4-EVA? I don't think so. If anyone has a suggestion to end nausea I will gladly take it and try it. I'm 15 weeks - I should be nesting not laid up on the couch in my blue terry cloth bathrobe.
By the way, I totally saw someone the other day in one of the hideous shirts that had the arrow pointing to her huge belly that said something witty like daddy's boy or something equally as poetic. So stupid (yes, damnit I realize this may be why I have no friends and feel like crap. Get out of my grill will ya).

Georgia on my mind..

2008-07-31T10:49:00.003-05:00

I'm back in Satan's Pants after spending a week in Atlanta (aka home). It's always so nice to be home (even if it is 102 degrees in the shade), and I'm very sad to have to be back in the land of corn and poo.
While I was home we had pictures of the boys taken, ate, swam, ate, visited with friends and family (my nephew is precious and his selfish mother won't give him to me), ate and ate some more. I would feel bad about all the eating but I totally don't and I'll tell you why. In Satan's pants you can't find BBQ, decent peaches and watermelon (peaches from California that are shipped to the midwest are not peaches, they're devil fruit and I've told the grocer this and anyone buying them - true story), and my grandmother isn't here to make me chicken and dressing. I can't go to my favorite restaurants here (The Steamhouse Lounge - free advertisement just for you), and the food isn't made with love like my moms spaghetti and chocolate cake (and cupcakes but whatever - I'm eating for 7 here do don't judge).
When you live somewhere you don't realize how much you will miss the simple things like BBQ and Chick Fil-A that you don't even realize you like that much. When you move and can't get such deliciousness you miss it and therefore have to eat like a piggy when you go home. I'm sure if we ever move away from Satan's Pants I will miss - cheese...
Hopefully I'll have more fun and excitement to tell ya'll about soon. It was a pretty uneventful vacation which is the way it should be. I'm fat, pregnant and boring and totally OK with that. I'm tired right now so I'll have to think about some funny banter to grace you with later. Until then good bye and good luck...

Heart and Hand...

2008-07-19T11:46:00.003-05:00

The appointment went fine - eventually. I had a stinking suspicion that they weren't going to be able to find a heartbeat with the Doppler and I was right. I was nervous when I got there which made my blood pressure go up and I was super on edge. I snapped at the midwife that I had no desire to discuss my weight and pretty much filled her in on how much I dislike living in Satan's Pants. Great first impression (my other midwife was busy - whatever). Luckily being a midwife has taught her not only how to deliver babies, but how to deal with bratty moms.
After searching for the heartbeat for what felt like hours (possibly 5 minutes but it felt like an eternity), they decided that in order to make sure everything was OK I should really have an ultrasound. After getting gooed up again I was able to see the caboose floating and swimming around having a good good time. Baby was less than cooperative (imagine that) and didn't want to be still long enough to get a listen. We've now proven that baby is indeed related to his brothers. Finally baby settled down, we were able to take some pictures of baby hanging out with his hands by his head waving hello, and get a good read on the strong, loud, fast heartbeat of baby caboose.
I'm still not feeling the best. I'm tired most of the time but not super exhausted. I feel OK when I get up but slowly lose steam throughout the day. These things I can live with. However, by the afternoon my stomach hurts, my head hurts and I feel like I might throw up. Not to mention I become super moody, bitchy and down right mean. Not to the boys but more to my husband. I had some choice words for him the other day that he may or may not have deserved ( I can't remember and truly don't care). I'm really tired of feeling this way and would really like to feel more "normal" and get on with my life. We won't even discuss my face. I'll just say that I may need to call Jessica Simpson and order some of her Proactive.
Other than this not much else to report. It's a hot, humid lazy weekend. I need to clean - and I may or may not get to it. I need to do laundry for my trip home and I will probably take a nap. Super fun and exciting I know - jealous?

When It Rains it Hails...

2008-07-15T11:54:00.004-05:00

This week has actually not been too bad- as far as feeling bad goes. I'm not as nauseated, but I'm just as exhausted. I really need to get my energy up for my big va-cay to HOTlanta next week. I'm super excited to be heading south!! We have a lot planned in my short stay so I need to feel better. Can I get a whoo whoo!
Aside from feeling better everything else has gone wrong. First, the family vanster is in on the plan to ruin my life. Last week I replaced 4 tires. It needed to be done but wasn't until I was stuck on the side of the road with a flat. Nice. Now, the big blue bomb is in the shop getting it's air fixed and brakes fixed. So stupid. Not only is the van sick, my washing machine bit the dust last week as well. Sears brought me a brand new Maytag. So nice of them. I was OK not washing clothes but apparently my husband would like some clean underwear every now and again. Such a diva.
Since we're adding a third child to the family we're also in the market for some bunk beds for the boys. We all went to look Sunday so they could feel like they had a say in the purchase (they totally don't). We found a cute set with a full bed on the bottom and a twin on the top. When we have some cash we'll fix up the room and move the boys in together. This sounds easy enough right? Wrong! The little one has been angry at me for days because the bunk beds aren't here yet. Every hour on the hour I have to explain that money doesn't grow on trees and if he wants to replace the air in my van I'll be more than happy to buy him the damn bunk beds! OK, I'm not quite that mean (close though - I'm hormonal) but you get the point.
I'm off to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully everything is good and baby is growing and healthy. I'll fill everyone in tomorrow. Peace out!
UPDATE: Just got a call from the diva himself. Looks like the air is $1100 to fix. Does anyone have a fan that hooks to the visor 'cause it looks like it's going to be a hot one here in Satan's Pants this summer. So stupid...

Motherhood

2008-07-11T08:27:00.003-05:00

Maternity clothes are made for pregnant women by people who work for the devil. This, I believe is a fact. My "real" clothes are no longer working. I don't think that I should have be be nauseated, exhausted and wearing tight clothes. However, since I haven't told that many people about the caboose I really don't need a shirt that says "Baby on Board" or "It's not Easy being Queasy" (and yes, these tacky shirts do exist). So I went to the mommy maternity store in the mall yesterday afternoon. Everything was UGLY! First, I hate the shirts that tie in the back. If you want to scream "I'm pregnant" then buy those. If not then no thanks. Second, the t-shirts are small. Now, I know that the style right now in maternity is for the shirt to be tight on the belly so everyone can see how your innie bellybutton has become an outie. However, when you're not the worlds tiniest person and it's tight in the belly it also becomes tight on your rear end. You may as well iron on some letters that say "wide load coming through" - and believe me there is room. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have to look ugly. Third, as I was checking out the shirts they had one in particular that caught my eye hanging above the checkout. It had a tie in the back, was tight in the front, and was PEACH! Yes, the same peach I wore in 7th grade with bunchy socks and a scrunchie that matched. I was appalled. I had to get out of that store as fast as I could. Who would wear that? I'll tell you who - tacky women in Satan's Pants that haven't left the year 1987.
The problem here is that there really isn't anywhere else other than the gross store in the mall that sells maternity clothes. I don't want to spend a fortune at the Pea in the Pod because you only wear these clothes for a short time and as I've said before - THIS IS IT! Plus, the maternity clothes I have from my first two are super ugly (why didn't anyone tell me the green gingham dress was awful). I can't do mail order because who knows what really fits. So, I'm in a bit of a pickle (get it pickle).
On the bright side I was able to sit through a cut and color the other day and my hair is fabulous. Too bad I don't have any clothes to match my hair and my vivacious personality...
XOXO - Fat Pregnant Girl...

My so called life...

2008-07-03T14:09:00.006-05:00

Someone on another blog I stalk from time to time had an entry about how busy her life has been lately and gave a week by week calendar of events. I thought this was pretty cute. She was exasperated by all the weddings, showers, parties, beach trips and beer she needed to consume (party on Garth). To make her, and other super fun girls in tiny little dresses feel better, I thought I would give you an example of my morning sickness/pregnancy calendar thus far:
Week of June 9th - Thought I was going to die...
Week of June 16th - Knew I was going to die...
Week of June 23rd - Wanted to go ahead and die...
Week of June 30th - Was gassy - Thought the dog died...
I'm assuming this will go on for the duration of my pregnancy. I don't feel that there is an end in site. Feeling better and not wanting to sleep all day would be super fantastic. However, I've never felt this bad for this long EVER (yes this is when you feel sorry for me and send me fudge).
So, as to not bore you with the rest of the year ( see above) we will skip to 2009:
Some random week in January: Had baby - FINALLY feel better!
Some random week in February: Have three kids! Now what the HELL do I do....

Here comes the caboose!

2008-06-29T16:29:00.005-05:00

I realize it's been forever since I've posted. I was so good at sending something out every couple of days. However, nothing has been going on and I didn't want to bore everyone with another tale of the cheese at Moe's - which by the way I spoke to the manager about and they're trying to fix it. They've had more than one complaint HA!
I've decided to go ahead and tell everyone the truth about why I haven't posted in a while (not that Jill hasn't already but whatever). I've actually been sick sick sick and exhausted for weeks. We're unexpectedly expecting our third baby in January and this time around has been MISERABLE!!! I'm almost 10 weeks so I'm hoping and praying that the feeling of devil is coming to an end. It was gone by the 12th week with the first two. However, with the first two I was under 30 and I'm thinking that being old might have something to do with the misery.
I'm so tired of crackers, pretzels and every other bland edible piece of poo. I can't eat anything greasy or it makes me sick. I can barely keep my eyes open for more than an hour a day. I don't even enjoy my diet cokes for cripes sake. Everything is evil. The only thing I enjoy is my nice soft comfy bed and cold glasses of water.
The other miserable part of this right now is that it's only nice here in Satan's Pants during the summer and early fall. After that is snows and is cold for 6 months. I feel like I'm missing the summer by staying holed up in my bed room day in and day out because I physically can't muster the energy to venture out. I haven't grocery shopped (or shopped at all for that matter) in weeks and I'm sure my boys are tired of grilled cheese and peanut butter and jelly. However, until I feel better I can't worry about that. They are getting fed and clothed so we're doing OK ( I also assume they're brushing their teeth but I could be wrong).
Yes, I am excited about another baby. I love love love babies!!!! I can't wait until January to meet my little caboose (that's what I'm calling him because THIS IS IT). I just despise being pregnant. I am the worst pregnant person in the world. The morning sickness is the devil, the maternity clothes are ugly and I feel nasty for 9 straight months. However, I love being a mommy so I'll just have to deal with it. However, I will never become earth mother and "embrace" my pregnancy. Poo poo on that!
So, just to let ya'll know, if I don't post for another couple of weeks you'll know why. I'm sick and feel like I've been hit by a truck. When (and at this point if) I ever feel better I will post something witty and humorous about the other 457 things that piss me off. Until then peace out and TTFN!

'cause you had a bad day...

2008-06-20T11:02:00.005-05:00

I've had a really crappy couple of days. First, I don't feel well. Second, I'm at work and we all know how much fun I think this place is. Numbers three through 50 - well, get ready for a rant fest.
Yesterday I dropped a tube of lipstick on my khaki jacket. Does anyone know how to get out lipstick? The idiots at the dry cleaners can't get out mud so I assume they can't get out lipstick. My hair is gross. It's making me physically sick to look at. The air doesn't work in my van. I know that it's not that hot here in Satan's Pants (ironic really) but I like the feel of artificial air as I drive. Moe's hasn't emailed me back. Yes, we will be going back tonight and if the cheese is damn it then I will be emailing again. I'm not scared. My house is filthy. I 'm tired of people who lie, embellish and copy (I'm not going to say it - you know who you are). Cake icing should only be made with powdered sugar, butter and milk. If it's made with lard it is fat not icing.Also, the crazy girl in the office next door is wearing an awful froggy t-shirt with a three strand turquoise beads. Super tacky, bless her heart.
Eventually I will be in a better mood. I'd say 5 p.m. today will be a good pick me up. Our small town is having a fair and craft show this weekend so that should be cute. However, if my boys think they're riding any of the crazy carni rides their W-R-O-N-G. We don't do rides that are assembled and disassembled once a week. Just sayin. My anniversary is next week and maybe I'll get something pretty. Probably not, but a girl can dream.

Welcome to Moes!!!!

2008-06-14T09:45:00.003-05:00

Every Friday the Peaches & Cheese family goes to Moe's. It's dirt cheap and muy yummy. We went last night and ordered the exact same thing we order every Friday - our meals a long with a cup of queso. I was so excited. I look forward to Moe's with my family every week. I talk about it like we're going to see family - our much loved Moe's family. HOWEVER, last night when I dipped my chip into the queso and went to savor my first bite it was different and muy muy gross! They changed their freakin recipe! They added some nastiness and made it gross! I was SO disappointed. Not only that but since the tomatoes are evil in Texas or something they didn't have my favorite salsa. Listen up Moe's -CHANGE IT BACK PRONTO! I know the tomato thing isn't your fault, but the nastiness in the cheese is just ridiculous.
I looked everywhere for a suggestion box. I figure if I go every Friday then my opinion should count for something. The stupid cup of queso is more than the two boys meals combined so if we stop ordering it because it bites ass then they're going to lose a huge profit from the Peaches & Cheese family and I believe that we totally help them keep the lights on in that place. We've at least bought the Chevy Venture outside that is painted yellow and says Moe's for catering. I was even thinking about using Moe's for my next party, baptism, Bat Mitzvah, whatever. However, if they don't change back their cheese then no dice. Got it Moe's! You do not want to see this sweet Southern Girl angry.
I'm off to find their web site. Don't think that I'm not about to let the people at Moe's corporate know my disappointment. They're in the south, they should be sympathetic. I will just continue to email them or write to my congressman or something until it is changed. In this economy I want to enjoy my cheap food and do not need nastiness in my cheese! My name is Peaches and Cheese and I approve this message...

On Notice - Beauregard

2008-06-10T14:01:00.003-05:00

My best friend is a big, beautiful blonde. He also has four legs and sheds like a crazy person. However, I let that slide because he loves me more than food (or as much as since I'm the one that feeds him) and I love him more than I like most people. However, he is getting on my last nerve and if he doesn't step it up he may lose his heel of the bread loaf privilege. See for YEARS he's been hunting and eating socks. He'll eat the big socks but he's constantly on the prowl for the little socks. Since it's been warm there really haven't been any socks (we haven't had to rock the crocs with socks since May), and I think he's going through with drawls. I have no idea why the pup likes to do this. Every time he eats a sock it comes right back up - ALWAYS in my dining room. I've cleaned that carpet so many times that the cleaning supply people should be sending me thank you notes. I'm so tired of scrubbing the floor. I'm tired of finding super fun spots first thing in the morning. I'm sick of buying socks! I mean, I put up with the mess in the yard, the smells and the gallons upon gallons of hair he leaves behind. However, I am beyond sick of the
ca ca in the dining room. At least try and make it to the foyer - two feet away. There is tile there and can be mopped up - then I won't have to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor while I curse the day we picked you up from the crazy lady in Brazelton. Low and behold last night he trapped and killed an innocent baby sock. Yeah, you need to keep hiding my furry friend because if I catch you with a sock again I'm calling the boys and letting them know it's OK for them to ride you and pull your tail. You don't believe me - hide and watch my friend, hide and watch.

Here's your sign...

2008-06-06T12:24:00.004-05:00

I am not a heathen person despite what some of you may believe. I attend church on a regular basis and talk with God often - we're totally tight. Anyway, I've had some things going on that I needed some clarity on and I thought I would consult my handy bedside bible. I said "OK, I'm going to open this and point to something and that will be my answer". When I did this I "selected" a passage about people wanting signs from Jesus and he basically said all Jeff Foxworthy like "Here's your sign". Oh God, such a jokester. I bet you got a hearty chuckle out of yourself with that one. I"m sure my sign will come soon enough and everything will be fine, but I found this funny and wanted to share.
Now, about the girl in the office down the hall. I told you yesterday to NEVER wear that outfit again and you TOTALLY wore it again today! Just because it's a different colored shirt under the same ugly jacket does not make it a different outfit. Go home and start over! (By the way, I have not received a sign to be nicer to people with poor taste - just to those who don't know any better).
XOXO - Southern girl..

Cock a doodle "don't"...

2008-06-05T08:25:00.003-05:00

I'm at work today and I am super bored already (it's not even 8:30 - this is going to be a very long day). It's raining - "not like raining raining but raining hard" and I'm already ready for a nap. Whatever.
Anyway, I don't have much to "blog" about this morning except that I attended another lovely Parent Teacher Obnoxious meeting last night. This one was a little better. The crazy secretary wasn't there (I've decided that she is the worlds most obnoxious person ever). However (dum dum dum dum), the lady with the orange shoes from last time was there. She didn't wear the orange patent leather shoes again (thank goodness), but she was wearing an orange sweater and (here's the kicker) she had her bangs so high I thought we were back in 1989. Seriously, resist the urge to use the aqua net and stop teasing the rooster.
Other than me being mean to apparently everyone, I have nothing else to pass on today. Maybe something interesting will happen this weekend that I can report on Monday. As exciting as my life is I would wait by with bated breath.

So. Dang. Stupid...

2008-06-03T15:36:00.004-05:00

Just wanted to let ya'll know - it's June freaking 3rd and it's 56 freaking degrees outside and I'm freaking ticked! It's cold, windy and rainy. My kids had to wear pants, long sleeve shirts and jackets today and I wore my velor sweat suit (naturally). While everyone in the South is outside at the swimming pool there is a chance that we could be building snowmen tomorrow during field-day activities instead of having water balloon fights. Did anyone else ever wear their jacket to field day? No, it was always a hot sweaty mess just like it should be. Every field day should include melting Popsicles not children freezing in their windbreakers!
I hear the bus - I hope they didn't take their snow tires off yet...

Sunrays and Saturdays

2008-05-31T19:48:00.000-05:00

It is finally warming up here in Satan's pants. We haven't had to turn on the a/c yet, but we're getting there. I thought about turning it on last night just to hear it run (one of my favorite sounds) but I thought Scrooge McHusband might get mad listening to his golden nickels go to waste. So I opened the windows and complained about the humidity in the house just so he could hear me whine. Didn't work. It's not as warm tonight so the open windows are fine.
Yesterday was my husbands 10th anniversary of becoming the luckiest man in the world. Ten years ago yesterday he met me at a pool party. He was in his khaki shorts (I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's sporting the same pair - if they zip they fit right?), I had on hideous blue tennis shoes that had I known I was going to meet my future husband I wouldn't have worn. If I could talk to that young girl right now sitting by the pool I would tell her to marry that cute boy, but be sure to have a pre-nup drawn up that says you will NEVER move out of the South! You are a southern girl and the south is where you belong! Does anyone else hear Dixie in the background? I'm a very lucky girl to have such a good husband and homeboy is damn lucky to have me. Just ask my mom.
Today we did a lot of nothing - which was great. It was a very pretty day. We went to the nursery to find some replacement bushes because several of ours were eaten by rabbits. Next winter I'm going to be all Elmer Fudd on their furry tails before they can eat my plants again. We bought somethings that looked like they wouldn't die instantly and also bought some more beautiful flowers for my pots. We grilled out, cleaned up and now it's time for bed (it is 8 p.m. for "cripes sake"). Super relaxing, lazy day. Hope you had one too.

I'm a rock star - again...

2008-05-26T18:13:00.000-05:00

I don't drink very often (uh oh you say). I can go months without a cocktail or a glass of wine. I figure why bother. One glass makes me tired, three makes me drunk and two is a waste of time. Then all of a sudden BAM - I'm a rock star and I must act like one! I must have 27 vodka tonics, several shots of tequila and funnel beer. OK - I'm being dramatic. However, that is how I felt Sunday morning when I got up. Go to bed feeling no pain and wake up feeling like death. Apparently I should either drink more often or stop all together. I'm going to go with be a rock star every so often because seriously I'm a hoot and the people of Satan's pants need to be entertained on occasion with my witty and humorous banter ( I'm not sure if anyone else would agree who saw me this weekend but ask me if I care - I don't).
This weekend was sort of fun. The kids were gone on Saturday and I went to dinner with some girls while my husband went golfing. Now these girls and I have a love hate kind of relationship. I love some and some drive me so FREAKING crazy it makes me want to spit. Mean but true. Since I am a good wife I decide to go out and then meet the guys for drinks. Dinner was OK. The food was good but the convo could have been a little better (aka dullsville). When we met the guys out is when things started picking up. All I'm going to say is that if I had known about the upside down margarita in college I would have been much more cool and popular. Possibly in an AA group right now, but super popular. After that we went to a country bar - Yee Haw! Some how when I drink I then know every word to every country song ever written - Git er done...
As we've already established Sunday started off a little rocky. However, my husband fed me Moe's and I was good to go. We drove up to the cottage, ate more and slept. This morning we got up early to take the boys on a bike ride. I don't have a bike so I borrowed my mother in laws. Let's just say when I do go buy my own it's going to have a bigger seat or I'm not going to make it around the block much less on lengthy rides through the crap land. Again, maybe Midwest tent and awning will have a bicycle seat big enough and with extra cushion for my large and in charge "bum". There is no reason to ride around in the hot sticky sun with a sore bottom.
Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. Hope you ate good food, soaked up some of the hot sun and relaxed. And if you partied like a rock star - Party on dude...

Gym - bore - yuck

2008-05-21T14:03:00.001-05:00

I'm so tired of going to the gym! It's evil and must be destroyed. I try and go everyday that I don't work and I hate it. I dislike sweating, I dislike looking like a fool on the treadmill because I can only run for 7 minutes (and I'm sure I start making crazy noises at around the 5 min. mark). Also, no matter what you've been told you don't feel that much better when you leave - you just feel sticky and tired. The only thing OK about it is I have an excuse to look like a schlep in sweats and a baseball cap. I've been trying to diet and get in shape and I figured the best place to do that was at the gym - Whatever. To make matters worse, my husband wants us to run a 5K before the end of 2008. Insane! I can only run for 7 minutes - not a 7 minute mile but 7 minutes of pushing myself at a very slow pace to finish a half mile before I pass out or scream in pain. So stupid..
The only thing worse than the gym right now is clothes shopping. Today I went to the mall to try and find some cute items to wear this summer. Again - DEVIL! I think the mall and the gym get together every so often and come up with ways to torture me. I am only willing to go up to a certain size and if that doesn't work then I say to heck with it. Just so you designers know - if you would make the clothes bigger, but put a smaller number in the back I would pay double! If not it looks like I'm going to have to wear my gym clothes everywhere and that's just embarrassing. I feel confident that even Satan's Pants gets too warm in the summer for velour track suits. Or. maybe I'll have to resort to shopping at Midwest Tent and Awning. I hope they have something in red.

E.T. Phone Home...

2008-05-18T08:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the big race. I'm proud to announce that both boys finished the race and ran the entire way (which is way more than I can say for myself - I decided not to run as to not be embarrassed). Both boys received a ribbon, and a goody bag. Now, let's talk about this goody bag. First, it's from the devil! Aside from the coupons, pencils and stickers, they gave each child a Halloween size bag of gum. You heard me - gum. Who gives a three year old a giant bag of gum?! Since yesterday I have picked gum out of the carpet in the car (you know, because when it looses it's flavor just throw it on the ground - any ground apparently), jerked wrappers out of the dogs mouth, and the end all be all - had the oldest CUT gum out of the little one's hair. Luckily this didn't turn out as bad as it sounds, but for a minute and a half I had a panic attack and a screaming fit in the front yard. I'm not sure why the oldest thought that cutting and then telling me was a better option of just letting mom figure it out in the beginning. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No. more. gum. EVER!
Last night the boys wanted to watch a movie. Luckily smart, smart, mommy had the insight to record E.T Friday night so we could have family movie night. Best. Movie. Ever. It's amazing how far technology has come, and how retro the movie looks, but how much everyone can still enjoy a movie about a leathery brown alien (I always wanted one of the leather E.T. dolls - never got one - still bitter). The boys loved it and it was so much better than having to watch Star Wars AGAIN. The boys have all six of those movies memorized and if I have to hear about Sith Lords another second I might punish them by making them all watch The Princess Diaries or Strawberry Shortcake.
Hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend! Peace out!

Plants and Satan's Pants

2008-05-15T20:45:00.000-05:00

In the south you know when you're going to be tormented with dreaded allergies. The entire freaking city turns a beautiful hue of baby poop yellow. Here in Satan's pants, nothing turns yellow - nothing really turns green for that matter - you just wake up one morning feeling like crap and stay that way until everything blooms or in my yard dies. I'm hoping to feel better by the 4th of July. I've had enough! Have I mentioned lately that I don't like it here?

To make matters worse I just spent 3 hours at the Botanical Gardens for a benefit (to benefit the Botanical Garden duh) and got to enjoy all the pollen there. Great idea huh? It was actually quite enjoyable and relaxing. When you're a part of Satan Pants high society you have to be involved in stuff like that (kidding). Never mind that I was the youngest person there by several decades and I couldn't grow any of the exotic plants they were auctioning off to save my soul. I just enjoyed the food and wine and now I'm enjoying burning eyes and headache (unfortunately, the headache is not from the wine - devil).

It's suppose to rain this weekend - kick ass! Another weekend of gross weather! The boys are running a .00005 K this weekend. It's a half mile around 5 city blocks. It thought it would be good for them. I will not be joining them. I don't want to embarrass myself when I can't finish. Plus it's a kids race - there's no reason for 3 year olds to make me look any more fat, out of shape and stupid than I already do. So good luck boys! Pick me up at the bloody mary tent when you're finished.

I also wanted to apologize for my last post. It was brought to my attention that I may have been a bit harsh. Never mind that Bratness McSlut will never read my blog, but if she does I offer my apology. However, as a disclaimer if I haven't seen or spoken to you in 10 years because you're a hooker please do not put me on a mass email telling me about your recent baby, engagement, wedding etc. It's rude and tacky. Ok? Ok.

Sisterhood of the traveling brats...

2008-05-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

Back in college (yeah, college) I was in a sorority. I was the girl who didn't take it seriously, didn't want to be on council, rarely paid her dues and pretty much was there for the parties and the cute t-shirts. There were others who took it WAY to serious and are probably still sporting their pins (you can make them into a ring you know - GAG). Anyway, most of my "sisters" are now married and are starting to have families. The other day I received an email from a "sister" reporting that another had just had a baby girl. Here's how it went: Bratness McSlut delivered a precious baby girl today named Bratness Jr. She weighed 8lbs 4 oz blah blah blah. Welcome to the family. Seriously THE FAMILY! I haven't seen Bratness McSlut since my wedding when I decided she was trash and I couldn't believe I wasted the money for her and her now husband to eat and drink. They didn't even bring a gift. Anyway, not 3 minutes after that email I received another one that said: "Welcome Bratness JR. you are now a legacy". Again SERIOUSLY! It's been ten years people. No one cares anymore. I couldn't tell you what our letters meant, what we stood for or what our rituals were. I could tell you the colors, mascot - who I will go on record and say is so freaking ugly and should really be changed- flower (filler flowers), and the part where I partied like a rock star, was voted wittiest, and that I got in trouble on way more than one occassion. I keep in touch with oh, 10 sisters max. and could really care less about the rest. Mean maybe but reality. I do wish Bratness McSlut all the best with her new daughter - really I do. However, if she turns out like her mom then the sorority might want to step away from the legacy.
PS No it has not escaped me that I'm being mean. I never said my name wasn't bratness mc -something. However, you can bet your butt it's never been McSlut...

Happy Mothers Day!

2008-05-11T15:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Mothers Day! I hope all of the mom's that read this blog are having a wonderful mothers day. You deserve it! We had a nice day. My boys woke me up bright and early to scream Happy Mothers Day and give me their gift. The oldest painted a garden rock at school and the youngest is pretty sure he helped. We'll go with that. After church we went to brunch with my in-laws and their friend Father T. He's a preist that joins us for holidays and other events. He's an absolute riot! Today he brought me flowers for mothers day and had a bloody mary with gin for breakfast. Right on Padre!
Last night my husband and I had date night. We try and do this every so often. We went for a cocktail at a crazy bar (read: biker bar) that sits on the water not too far from our house. Then we went to dinner and then to a graduation party at another local bar (do you see a pattern - that's what happens when it's cold most of the year - you find places to sit and drink). The graduation party was for an employee of my husbands that's graduating from the local Catholic College. Can you say WASTED! The three graduating girls and their friends we're trashed. One of the girls had on a Hooters tank -top with skin tight jeans that said "tastefully tacky" on the back. I'm not sure that was quite right - Tacky yes, tasteful no. I would call her a tramp - but that's just me. Anyway, come to find out she's a theology major. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Did she learn nothing in college?!? She was so super gross. We drove back by the bar where the party was held this afternoon after brunch and I'm pretty sure I saw her crawling out from under the table where she probably passed out. I'm sure her parent are proud of her behavior as well as her choice in attire. Such class...
I hope you all like the new header and music. I was completely bored at work the other day so I made the header. Then Hanks papa wanted music added so we added music. We're here to please! It's an eclectic arrangement so it should be enjoyable for everyone. But come on, doesn't everyone dig Dan Fogelburg? He rocks!
TTFN!

BOOORRRRED!

2008-05-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been SO BORED at work that you need tooth picks to keep your eyes open? Well, today is so bad that I'm sure I've disturbed some people as I've snored here at my desk. Luckily I answer phones so I haven't been able to doze off into a deep enough sleep that I'm drooling on my keyboard. I've checked my emails, looked at celebrity gossip, stalked all of ya'll's (I don't think that's how you would write that but let's go with it) blogs, and now resorted to boring you with my banter. Here's a few things I thought I would share:
1. There has been some discussion abouth the orange patent leather shoes. Like what color they really were because orange patent leather shoes could be cute, and can't I just be nice. First, no they really can't be cute and two they were blaze orange. I think she was leaving the Parent Teacher Obnoxious meeting and heading to the woods to shoot at deer or turkeys. Third, anyone who wears orange patent leather shoes does not deserve to have me be nice to them. They've brought it on themselves.
2. I found an awesome hot pink pen today! Are you not super excited? I've never had a hot pink pen before. I'm totally going to steal it from the office. They pay me chicken scratch here so I think I deserve to take home the hot pink pen. As I think about it, I think I may take the purple one as well. Take that Boss Man!
3. Just a disclaimer to the little missy who insists on posting blogs about her muffin top and then sending pictures of itty bitty bikini's that she's going to wear this summer. Shut it! You are a doll! An adorable skinny mini who apparently needs to be slapped. Do you really want to get into a discussion about your belly with me? Let's talk when you can no longer wear the tiny two piece and have to resort to a one piece with a lycra panel to suck you in because you physically can't anymore. Or, you buy what covers your large and in charge pear shaped body and search for the perfect sarong. Just go eat a cookie...
4. Did I mention my hot pink pen!
xoxo - southern girl...

Orange Patent Leather Shoes...

2008-05-06T22:50:00.000-05:00

We are heading into our busy season here in Satan's Pants. Things seem to pick up in the summer rather than slow down - possibly because we only have 3 months of decent weather so we have to cram everything in now. It's just started and I'm already exhausted and annoyed and here's why:
PTO - stands for parent teacher obnoxious. The oldest is going to a brand new, never used school next year. I thought I would go to the first official PTO meeting and see what big exciting things they had planned. NOTHING! They have nothing planned. They only have a geeky set of women who think they're special running a useless meeting and second-ing motions. NO ONE CARES! I wanted to find out how I could help. Now I'm thinking of sending the boys away to military school to avoid listening to the dribble coming out of the mouths of ladies with bad hair and orange shoes (yes my friends she was wearing orange patent leather shoes- need I say more).
CLOTHES - It's still not warm enough to send the kids to school in shorts. However, cords and sweaters are a bit much. So, pants with short sleeve shirts is fine - when you're a boy. If you're a hip mom of two you want to look good. If you're a semi-cool mom of two with a unusually large hips and a gut it's almost impossible to look good. Today I had a little time to myself so I went shopping. Found nothing. I can't wear the cute little short skirts all the younger girls are wearing. I despise shorts and think the government should ban them for women over a certain age and certainly those of us over a certain weight. I'm tired of capri's and a dress is just not practical for everyday wear. So, if you don't mind I will wear my pajamas. They're comfortable and they fit. Get over it.
SCHEDULE: I just realized that I've totally gone over board with the activities this summer for the kids. The oldest has soccer twice a week until the middle of July, summer school every morning for 6 weeks (super fun classes but still), swim lessons, and vacation bible school. Yes, I know the kids are going to be exhausted. What about me though? Do you realize how much effort it takes to drag kids to all these different activities? I'm getting tired just thinking about it. I think they need to buck up and walk, or call a taxi, or find my broom and fly on over.
I will stop for now. However, I'm still just so annoyed by the orange patent leather shoes and the size of my butt. My hair dresser is leaving and moving far far away (lucky brat), I need to go to the dentist and get my eyes checked, the oldest went to "yellow light" today and school and the youngest thought it was appropriate to spank his mother when I wouldn't give him a chocolate chip cookie right before bed. So, I will continue to dress my kids in winter clothes, starve myself so I can find something to wear, and try and be nice to the lady with orange shoes... Never going to happen.

The hits just keep on comin...

2008-05-01T17:38:00.000-05:00

...and this afternoon the toilet overflowed. I had to get out the wet dry vac to clean it up before it went through to the basement (that would have ruined everyone's day). And my dinner was still frozen after thawing most of the day. This day HAS to get better!
However, I'm happy to report I received an apology from you know who. All is well for the weekend :) For now anyway. There's always tomorrow morning...

Mommy Dearest..

2008-05-01T11:44:00.000-05:00

Today is Thurday and I am not at work. I actually don't have to go back to work until next Thursday. Exciting right? So, I thought that today would be an awesome day. Uh, WRONG! Everything that could have gone wrong has and it's not even noon. I still have half a day left. Gross...

Here's how it's gone so far - Last night I didn't feel well. My husband has had a cold for over a week and I want no part of it. So, I took some Nyquil (the get you drunk so you can sleep medicine) and off I went to bed. When I woke up I didn't feel horrible, but I didn't feel awesome so I snoozed for a bit. I snoozed a little too long but got up, found the oldest some clothes, woke him up, got his back pack together, made him breakfast - all in the first 10 minutes of being awake. The oldest took his sweet time getting dressed etc. and missed the bus. I was SO mad. I had been fussing at him to hurry it up but he didn't have his listening ears on apparently. So, I yelled at him. I did what any normal mom of two who hasn't had her morning caffine would do (OK, some of you are super moms but whatever). So my husband, who hasn't left for work yet for whatever reason, says "well, he's only six". It's hilarious how we use this excuse like it's a good one - it's OK he missed the bus and dilly dallied around all morning he's only six. It's OK he threw the Wii at his brother - he's only six. WHATEVER!!!! So, I told him that he needs to get up in the morning and find clothes and get the kids ready for the day and out the door. And then he says (are you ready girls) "Then I would have to do everything"!!!! Oh no you did NOT just say that! He has until this evening to take that back or his weekend will not be pleasant. Don't even think I'm kidding - I'm not.

After this insanity I finally had my caffine, breakfast and daily dose of "news" (today it was GMA. Charlie was on instead of crazy Diane and Robin was rockin with her short post cancer hair-do. You go girl). After that the youngest spilled orange juice on the new rug after I told him to leave the cup on the island (luckily for him I had already had my caffine so he didn't get the wrath of mommy dearest- NO WIRE HANGERS!) and I broke a plate that I hadn't used, but loved and had just received for my birthday - it was the cutest pineapple. Super. crappy. morning.

I had every intention of getting up, cleaning the house, going to the gym, going shopping for Mothers Day goodies, and then coming home and being Betty Homemaker and making a healthy and delicious dinner for my family. Now I'm grumpy, didn't make it to the gym, the house is half done (it was ridiculous), and mad at my husband- so I don't care if he eats cold ramen noodles or goes hungry tonight. So stupid...

Happy Birthday!

2008-04-28T20:52:00.000-05:00

Happy 28th Birthday twisted sister! Hope it was AWESOME! I love you and miss you!
Peace Out-

The Weekend Update...

2008-04-28T20:30:00.000-05:00

The Gala was a huge success! We were able to raise a lot of money for a lot of needy children in our community. My dress was cute, my arms were still fat pasty and white (Mystic tan is a giant waste of precious minutes you will never get back), and the women were snotty (mostly - if you're reading this and were also at the Gala I'm so not talking about you). I would say it went pretty much as I expected. The only good things to come out of the evening was that I was able to spend some time with some friends, assist in raising money for the kids, and one of the ladies I don't like has put on quite a bit of weight and her dress didn't fit! HA -What could be better than that!
Saturday I did NOTHING! Take that back. I cleaned the kitchen, picked up the house and watched the NFL draft. Yes, I like watching paint dry. It was an opportunity to spend some time with my husband and do nothing at the same time. All I can say is DESEAN is awesome! He is my new favorite player! How can you not love a guy who is on camera for an entire day waiting and waiting to get picked for - any team really - and get passed on over and over again. Bless his heart! He had even dressed up for the occassion, was surrounded by family and was pitiful! He kept looking at his phone -I guess to see if it was on and working. Kind of like - if it aint ringing it's EVERY TEAM IN THE NFL not calling. I was beside myself. FINALLY, he was picked up in the second round by the Eagles. Whew. So you go DeSean - go catch a ball or block someone or make up a catchy dance or something. Keep it real DeSean, keep it real.
Today I had to go to work which stunk AND to make it worse (much much worse) it was SNOWING when I got up this morning. Giant, fat, useless, ridiculous flakes of devil! So stupid.
They promise it will warm up here by August. I'm not putting money on it though.

Dear Anonomous...

2008-04-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Anonomous,
Please tell Hank that I think he and his papa are super cool as well. We miss them both very much and hope to see them soon.
Love,
Hank's favorite Aunt

Update #2

2008-04-24T10:19:00.001-05:00

OK, it's been 24 plus hours since the mystic tan. All I can say is thank goodness for Trader Joes body scrub! I've scrubbed my toes, thumbs, wrists and inside arms until I was no longer "bronze" but bright red. Aside from that the "tan" is OK. I'm not sure it's $30 worth of awesome, but it will get the job done. The only thing worse than being in a sleeveless dress with fat pasty white arms, is being in a sleeveless dress with fat streaky orange arms. I think I'm somewhere in between.
I will add though that after washing my face several times yesterday and this morning, when I used my astringent this morning there was tanner on my cotton ball. Super gross! And, yesterday when I went to the gym my clothes and "under garmets" were a beautiful shade of nasty. So stupid..

Update #1

2008-04-23T09:56:00.000-05:00

OK, so far the only problem area are my wrists - which is amazing because if you go on you tube and watch the video your wrists shouldn't even get sprayed, and my thumbs. My poor little hammer head thumbs are orange! My toes don't look so hot either but since we've established that this part of the world is stupid and cold in April, I won't be able to wear open toe shoes anyway. The "mystic" hasn't taken full effect yet - I'll let you know tomorrow how it looked after the full 24 hours. So stupid...

Mystic Tan adventure

2008-04-22T20:04:00.000-05:00

So, I had an adventure today that I needed to tell ya'll about. Tonight I had my first experience with Mystic Tan! Yes, E! was there filming their newest edition of Mystic Tan Satan's Pants. Anyway, I watched the tutorial and figured how hard could it be. You stand in a booth for 30 seconds, the machine sprays you with a thin mist and *poof* your done. Not exactly how it happened-for me anyway.
At first it was pretty much like the video. Strip, cover your hair with a waffle house hair net, put cream on the parts you don't want "mystified" and get ready. Then you step into a giant up right coffin, you stand in the most crazy ridiculous position and push the big green button... THEN it spays you with a "thin mist" that scares the crap out of you. The nice cute teenage boy that showed me how to work the mystic magic, said that I should hold my breath, and then when it was time for me to turn around and have the machine spray the back I should catch my breath and hold it again. Whatever! I've inhaled enough of the spray that I've probably damaged my lungs and it would have been just as healthy for me to tan in the crazy bed. Not to mention what my eyes are going to look like from trying to keep them closed as tight as I possibly could.
Now I have to wait 24 hours to see if I'm a streaky mess. Not to mention that the good 'ol mystic tan is a crazy $30 for 30 seconds of ridiculous. Also, I can't bathe tonight. I have to sit here the rest of the night sticky and smelly from the mystic potion. I'll let you know in 24 hours how it's all worked out. Wish me luck.

Monday's make me growl...

2008-04-21T08:49:00.001-05:00

I hate Monday's. I mean, you just had a lovely weekend and now you're back to Monday. They're just so gross and so stupid. Something always goes wrong. Today it's the case of the missing tennis shoe. We found one, now where could the other one be? I had to send the oldest off to school in his crocks with socks. That is NOT acceptable! To make matters worse when he got dressed his pants were shorter than the last time he wore them and since I have done ZERO laundry this weekend he had to wear them with his awesome T-Shirt that said GEORGIA. He looks ridiculous! I'm almost embarrassed for him. Lucky for him he's a good looking kid so he'll make it (we're taking the tennis shoes to him when I find them - I just can't handle it).
This weekend was pretty uneventful which was nice for a change. We went to Moe's (we go every Friday - we're super boring). Saturday we ran errands and cleaned (for what reason you might ask since you're house looks like a tornado hit it this morning), yesterday we went to Church and played outside the rest of the day. Nothing exciting, but uneventful and occassionally those are the weekends you need. This week I have to finish a database for a service organization I belong to (I'll post about that later - I need to bite my lip about that right now or I may go postal), have lunch with the ladies from work for "Administrative Professional's Day", and go to a FREAKING Gala on Friday. BARF! No good can come of me having to dress up in heels to go and eat a too expensive dinner, have to buy my own alcohol, and try and bid obnoxious amounts on items I don't need (and won't get because the people with the money always out bid me - I don't understand why $35 doesn't buy me the trip to Ireland). This is my second year on this evil GALA committee and I hate it more and more. I'm not sure why I torture myself. My husband just flat out isn't going. Nice right? Whatever...
On a positive note there is some GREAT TV on this week! Grey's is back, American Idol kicked off Kristi Lee Hooker, and there's always OTH (which better be good or it's getting put on notice with the Hills), the Office, and Jon and Kate plus 8 (you need to watch - you might get a better understanding of me - minus 6 children and a need for obnoxious organization - but the bratty part stays) and Ghost Wisperer! TAKE THAT TV GUIDE!
Sad... Very. Very. Sad.

Just sayin...

2008-04-15T08:29:00.000-05:00

Worst. One Tree Hill. EVER! I can't believe that is what I get after waiting months for the show to come back. Very dissapointing. Hopefully Grey's will be better when it comes back. It's on thin ice with me as it is - totally crappy this year. At least the Office was good - HYSTERICAL - "Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year". I'm still laughing. Whatever - there's alway's Jon and Kate plus 8 and Greek (yes I will watch ANYTHING)!

Bad Mom?

2008-04-14T20:19:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I'm not the worlds best mother. I'll admit it. I often let the kids watch too much T.V., play video games and fight with knives. Well, maybe not too much T.V. I feel like I do the best I can with the little bit of patience I've been granted. I do try though. I bought some seeds for the boys to plant to grow me some yummy basil for summer that are still on the kitchen counter. I have art projects in the dining room that they could do. Also, if it would freakin warm up I would be more than happy to put my butt in a chair and watch them play outside. However, I still feel like a less than stellar mother - go figure.
I've been reading the blog of a friend of mine. She's a bit worried that she's been neglecting her children a bit with everything else she has going on. On the days where she's not being a "bad" mother she's driving around looking for flightless fruit flies to feed the baby bugs that have hatched in their habitat her girls built. Whatever earth mother. Come live at my house for a couple of days to make yourself feel better. I'll just keep reading your blog when I want to feel worse (p.s. if you're reading this I think your awesome and am totally jealous).
I love my boys. They are the light of my life and the reason for my being. They are smart, funny and talented little boys (except for the fact that the oldest can't blow up a balloon, but we're working on that). I would do anything for them that I could to make them happy and healthy. Today I spent an hour on the computer trying to be the first in "line" for some super cool summer school class that the oldest wants to take. Now that is what an awesome mom is all about right? Find a class you can send them too in the summer so they're not in your hair (I signed him up for 4 - he's a lot of work that 6 year old). I even blew up a balloon today so my youngest could hit it around the house. I know, I know I rock.
I'm hoping my lack of creativity and patience doesn't end up doing tons of harm to my sweet little boys. I hope I don't have to carry them to therapy because their mom didn't buy their pet bug fruit flies. I hope they grow up to be strong, independent children aside from the fact that their mommy is beyond pathetic.
Tomorrow we will try and tackle the basil - I'm totally hungry for a cucumber and basil salad now :)

Shout Out..

2008-04-11T13:18:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to do a shout out to my reader (singular) - What up Jill in the ATL.. Keep on keepin on!

Farewell Michael Johns

2008-04-10T19:59:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it, I watch just about anything on TV. Trashy reality is a must at my house and my DVR runs non stop. I'll watch The Hills, Real Houswives of anything, Rock of Love just to name a few. I love TV! American Idol was one of our favorites here too. Two years ago I voted non stop for Chris Daughtry just to have him voted off early. So stupid. I decided to boycott the show then and there. I didn't watch a minute last year. However, I decided to give it another try this year because I heard about how awesome everyone on the show was. What a surprise for me to find out that I knew one of the contestants - Michael John's! Well not knew like BFF, but knew like - hey I saw you in Atlanta playing at a bar and you ROCKED! So how bummed am I tonight that he's been voted off! I think it's cheating! I think it's crap! Did I think he was going to win - no, not really (David Cook is crazy good). Do I think he's better than the country girl with the 1992 perm who stands like a hooker - yes. Do I think he's better than the looney as a tune little boy with the crazy father - YES! Do I think he rocks the pants off the crazy irish girl who dresses like wonderwoman on crack- Yes. I'm so super upset right now. I think he's great. So what if his demographic seems to be lonely housewives in their 30's - we're still hip and cool in a minivan with a spoiler kind of way. We still know a good thing when we see one. We can still party like rock stars until 10 p.m (do I hear a whoo whoo).
So, here's to you Michael John's - you adorable aussie - just know that I voted for you until my fingers fell off, I told everyone I know here in this pit that I knew you and they should vote for you (OK, so I embelished a bit) and I wouldn't dare kick your cute butt out of bed for eating crackers (now I've crossed the line a bit). Farewell from your number 1 (apparently insane) over 30 housewife fan. XXXOOO! Keep rockin!

Let the Ranting Begin..

2008-04-09T16:56:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned before this week did not get off to the best start. It hasn't gotten a lot better either. It went from 61 degrees to snowing in two days, I have a tooth ache (and am deathly afraid of the dentist), I look like Jared from Subway's before picture, and people here don't drive any better than they do it big cities and it ticks me off.
I'm trying to eat healthy (again). I try this over and over again. I do well for a week or so and then apparently say to hell with it. I don't know how to stay motivated and stick with it. I don't know how to say no to chocolate and yes to carrots (so stupid). I don't know why the size of my pants doesn't make me throw up. I feel confident I will have this conversation with myself again and again through the life of this blog. It just ticks me off!
Today I was driving home and almost got into two accidents. The first one I didn't see the driver in my blind spot. In my defense he had passed me several times. He was one of those drivers who would speed up and slow down so you never knew where he was. Totally not my fault. The second was because of a big truck - probably hauling milk or corn or something else Midwestern - going super slow and not letting people over. The van behind me almost hit me because we couldn't merge. Stupid corn truck. Stupid state and all their cows!
I live in Satans pants USA! I need 70 degree weather, a body that looks good in a bikini (or any bathing suit for that matter) and apparently a better attitude. How do I achieve that though - it's probably going to snow here again this weekend. It just makes me growl.

Rainy days and Mondays...

2008-04-07T09:03:00.001-05:00

It's already starting off to be a bad week. After a beautiful weekend filled with running around OUTSIDE - clever idea really - the weather is turning cold again. It's April for crying out loud - it should be nice out! I'm so tired of winter coats and if I have to drag out the snow pants and snow boots again I may go postal! I've put them away so if it snows again, I guess the boys are just going to freeze. Right now there's no snow, but it's windy and cloudy and will probably start raining any minute. Fantastic...
I was so tired this morning that I over slept and had very little time to get my kindergartener out the door for the bus. I hope he brushed his teeth! I sometimes feel like such a bad mom. I did manage to make him a lunch so he won't have to eat bbq beefies on a bun. Now I'm from the south and BBQ is my favorite, but what elementary school child wants that on a tray for lunch? What's on the menu for tomorrow - pork chops and spinach? His awesome mom made him a pb and j and some applesauce. Much better when you're six.
This morning I went outside (in the cold) to get the trash can and wheel it back into the garage. However, it was full. I looked around and everyone elses had been emptied. So, I went and called the "village" to find out why it wasn't picked up. "We did receive a call re: your can this morning. It seems that your recycling was less than 5 feet away from the can and the automatic lifter couldn't get it". ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Get out of the stupid truck! Honk the horn, do whatever you have to do so I don't have to smell the trash for another week! "I'm sorry, but we can't come back out and get the trash until next week - Thank you" CLICK! Another reason to hate this place. When we moved her we had the option to pick whom ever we wanted to pick up our trash. Now the "village" has decided to tax us more and decide for us who picks up the trash - or doesn't. Stupid. Government. Crap.
Thought for the week - It's Only just begun....

Shake Your Groove Thing...

2008-04-05T11:01:00.000-05:00

So, I'm not as young as I use to be. I'm also not as tan or thin and my tolerance for alcohol is nil. However, some friends and I went out last night to celebrate my belated birthday. We had a blast! Now, some of you may have found me and my girl friend stupid. I don't care. It had been so long since I went out, had more than 2 cocktails, sang very loud to the music and danced like no one was watching (which they were by the way and probably still laughing about the moms at the end of the bar who knew all the "old" music and danced like footloose). We spent way too much money, had a super good time, and were awaken by children bright and early looking for red power rangers. Oh the life.
It's quiet here right now. My husband took the boys to run errands and I'm going to go out to lunch with another friend to celebrate my birthday one last time. I hope I don't look too hung over. I feel like crap, I look like a cow, but I had a lot of fun. Birthdays are great - the only thing that would make them better is if I didn't have to age.

Welcome

2008-04-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

I don't know exactly how to start this blog thing so I'll just jump right in and give you some information you'll need for your experience here. First, I hate where I live. You'll need to keep this in mind for future reading as it is sure to come up time and time again. I have a lovely life - house in the suburbs (not that I live near a real city, but just trying to make it easy for you) beautiful children, awesome dog and a cool husband that takes care of me and pretty much let's me do what I want (hence the chicken decor in the kitchen). Second, I have two awesome little boys that drive me to drink but also are so dang adorable and smart that I would do anything in the world for them. Third, my family is awesome. They all live in the South - lucky clams - but I try to see them every chance I get. I miss them terribly. Fourth, I love my friends. However, they're all in the south too. Not that I'm not interested in making new friends. It's just a lot harder here in HELL. Other than that I'm pretty ordinary - and a lot of fun if I do say so myself. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the blog, tolerate the ranting, and keep your mouth shut when you don't like what I have to say (which should be pretty often). TTFN.